Articles by The Peedmont Staff

Ralph Northam Assures Virginia He Will Not Participate in Black Friday

RICHMOND, Va. — Still reeling from his blackface scandal last February, Gov. Ralph Northam has assured Virginia that he has no intention to participate in Black Friday this year. RELATED (article continued below): Ralph Northam Attends [read more ... ]

Virginia Votes To Decriminalize All Drugs Provided You Don’t Get Caught

RICHMOND, Va. — In a rare unanimous vote, the Virginia General Assembly voted to decriminalize all drugs provided you don’t get caught while using them, officials confirmed Tuesday. House Bill 15678, which has been nicknamed as the “Just [read more ... ]

COVID-19 Leaves Southwest Virginia Out of Pure Boredom

NORTON, Va. — Calling a bunch of dusty country roads and decaying Make America Great Again banners “not much to get excited about,” COVID-19 is planning to leave southwest Virginia ahead of schedule due to pure boredom, the virus announced [read more ... ]

White House Elf on the Shelf Revealed to be Ukranian Whistleblower

WASHINGTON — After months of anonymity, the whistleblower responsible for an official impeachment inquiry into President Donald Trump revealed themselves this morning via a scribbled note left next to a slightly opened cookie jar in the White [read more ... ]

Kim Gray Makes Claim That Deceased Gwar Victims Voted Illegally in Virginia

RICHMOND, Va. — In an effort to further substantiate claims of voter fraud in the 2020 Election, Councilwoman and former mayoral candidate Kim Gray has claimed that numerous victims of the Richmond band Gwar voted illegally in the commonwealth, [read more ... ]

Op-Ed: No, You Still Can’t Grow a Fucking Beard During Quarantine

It may seem convenient to cast aside common decency during the current crisis and go for comfort and convenience. I mean, why not? Everything has gone to utter shit and you’re trapped at home. If you were lucky enough to have retirement, well, you [read more ... ]

Recount of Election Ballots Finds Kanye West Won State

RICHMOND, Va. — Describing the results as completely stunning, a recount of election ballots across Virginia found that hip hop artist Kanye West won the state’s Presidential vote, senior election officials confirmed Wednesday. RELATED [read more ... ]

COVID-19 Outbreak Traced Back To Shitty Pick-up Line at District 5

RICHMOND, Va. — Tighter pandemic restrictions have been put in place throughout the commonwealth in response to a COVID-19 outbreak that has been traced to one particularly gross pick-up line at District 5, health officials confirmed Tuesday. [read more ... ]

Virginia To Begin Offering Early Voting for 2024 Election This Week

ALEXANDRIA, Va. — Hailing record voter turnout as a result of widespread early voting options, Virginia will begin offering early voting for the upcoming 2024 election as early as this week, the Virginia Department of Elections announced Friday. [read more ... ]