Articles by The Peedmont Staff

“Nobody Wants To Work Anymore,” Reports Hopewell Tourism Council

HOPEWELL, Va. — Dismayed at their lack of applicants for their new office position, the Hopewell Tourism Council says nobody wants to work anymore, the organization reported Wednesday. “Ever since we saw our weekly average customer count [read more ... ]

Report: Majority of Richmond Willing to Sacrifice Nutzy in Satanic Ritual in Order To Save Kitchen 64

RICHMOND, Va. — Stressing that the landmark restaurant is worth fighting for at all costs, a recent report has found that a vast majority of Richmond residents would be willing to sacrifice Flying Squirrels mascot Nutzy to save Kitchen 64 from [read more ... ]

Youngkin to Strip Powhatan County of Its Name to Honor Queen Elizabeth

RICHMOND, Va. — Following the death of Her Majesty, Gov. Youngkin announced plans to rename Powhatan County to honor Queen Elizabeth II, sources confirmed Friday. “As Virginians who proudly have a clear line of heritage to the United [read more ... ]

Richmond Police Chief Remains 100% Certain They May or May Not Have Stopped Mass Shooting

RICHMOND, Va. — Assuring the public that they probably did something, Richmond Police chief Gerald Smith is absolutely certain that they may or may not have stopped a mass shooting planned for July 4th at the Dogwood Dell or perhaps the Diamond or [read more ... ]

Report: Your Uncle on Social Security Upset Over College Debt Forgiveness

WAYNESBORO, Va. — Describing Biden’s plan as “the pinnacle of socialism,” your uncle, who routinely benefits from Social Security, is quite displeased with Biden’s plan to forgive a portion of student debt from borrowers, your uncle [read more ... ]

“The best thing about Richmond is Scott’s Addition,” Reports NoVa Transplant

RICHMOND, Va. — Citing the abundance of things to do such as breweries, some restaurants, breweries, a few shops, and breweries, Northern Virginia transplant Chad Stevenson called Scott’s Addition the city’s best feature, sources confirmed [read more ... ]

Topgolf Offers $1,000 Cash Prize to Anyone Who Can Put a Ball Through Carvana Tower

RICHMOND, Va. — Saying that the surge in expected business would more than cover the prize money, Topgolf in Richmond is offering $1,000 to anyone who can put a ball through their neighbor Carvana’s tower, the company confirmed Thursday. [read more ... ]

Richmond Police Reports They’re the Ones Who Killed Bin Laden

RICHMOND, Va. — Claiming their efforts as one of the police department’s best victories yet, the Richmond Police Department (RPD) has taken responsibility for coordinating the raid that killed Osama bin Laden, the department confirmed Monday. [read more ... ]

Our Live Music Guy Forgot To Check Out the Avail Show Last Night but We’re Pretty Sure This Is How The Show Went

Last night, acclaimed Richmond punk band Avail played what we assume was a pretty awesome gig last night on Brown’s Island. Despite being a highly anticipated show, our senior live music correspondent forgot to get tickets for the show and [read more ... ]