NoVA & DC

Arlington Consultant Bro Poor Shamed for Qualifying for Stimulus Relief

ARLINGTON, Va. — News broke today that Brad Starr, a Deloitte consultant in Arlington, may qualified for an additional stimulus relief payment in what co-workers and friends are calling, “a total peasant move, bro.” RELATED (article [read more ... ]

Virginia General Assembly Relocated 500 Feet Away From School Tours to Accommodate Joe Morrissey

RICHMOND, Va. — Members of the Virginia General Assembly were forced to relocate on the first day of the 2020 legislative session because the presence of Sen. Joe Morrisey conflicted with a pre-planned tour of high school students, sources [read more ... ]

Trump Supporter With COVID-19 Ditches Ventilator To Boo at Biden Inauguration

WASHINGTON — Claiming it was his civic duty to stand against the tyranny of Joe Biden’s presidency, Mechanicsville resident Mike Smithwick, who has been fighting off a severe case of COVID-19 for two weeks, opted to ditch his ventilator so he [read more ... ]

Capitol Police Hope They Weren’t Too Rude To Visiting Protest-Enthusiasts

WASHINGTON — Following a riot that resulted in pro-Trump insurrectionists storming and occupying Capitol Hill, the Capitol Police Department is hopeful that their response to the situation wasn’t too rude or intimidating, sources confirmed [read more ... ]

Mob of Protesters Demand To Speak To Nation’s Manager

RELATED (article continued below): Amanda Chase Casts Vote by Shooting Trump’s Name on Ballot With AR-15Trump Team Accidentally Starts Border Wall At South Of The Border ResortTrump Deports White House Christmas Tree for Being From CanadaBiden [read more ... ]

Out of Work Tysons Corner Mall Santa Takes up Back Alley Lap-Sitting

From now until Christmas, we’re donating any revenue from merchandise sales to the Holli Fund, which provides relief to Richmond food service workers in crisis. Check out the online store here: https://teespring.com/stores/the-peedmont. Learn [read more ... ]

Family Traveling From Fairfax to Richmond Leaves Now to Make It in Time for Christmas

FAIRFAX, Va. — Determined to make it to her mother’s house in Richmond by Christmas morning, Lydia Manderson and her family are leaving their Fairfax County home right now, sources confirmed Sunday. RELATED (article continued below): Ghost of [read more ... ]

Ghost of Herman Cain To Speak at Million MAGA March

WASHINGTON — The organizers behind the Million MAGA March announced today that the ghost of recently deceased political activist Herman Cain will be among those speaking at Saturday’s rally in support of President Trump’s claims of fraudulent [read more ... ]

“Actually, Nothing Really Happens at Bunny Man Bridge on Halloween” Says Guy Who Just Fucking Got Here

FAIRFAX, Va. — Casually explaining the urban legends to people who likely already know the truth, Christopher Doyle, a new resident of Fairfax, clarified that nothing really happens at Bunny Man Bridge on Halloween, sources confirmed Tuesday. [read more ... ]