NoVA & DC

Stone Brewery Truck Overturns on I-95, Highway is Totally Lit Fam

THORNBURG, Va. — At 10 a.m. yesterday, a refrigerated truck carrying approximately 1,000 cases of Richmond-made Stone Brewery beers overturned on Interstate 95 near Thornburg. The cause of the accident has been attributed to an unknown mechanical [read more ... ]

Corey Stewart Learns of Defeat via Telegraph

RICHMOND, Va. — In an awkward exchange early this morning, Virginia Republican gubernatorial candidate Corey Stewart was informed via telegraph of his loss in the primary to Ed Gillespie before a crowd of reporters. Stewart had been giving a [read more ... ]

Breaking: Periello Calls Northam “Poopyhead” on Camera

ROANOKE, Va. — The Virginia Democratic primary has erupted in controversy after candidate Tom Perriello referred to Lieutenant Governor Ralph Northam as a “poopyhead” during a televised radio interview this morning. The incident, which [read more ... ]

Area Woman Expected to Still Call Publix “Ukrop’s”

COLONIAL HEIGHTS, Va. — In what many are calling a harrowing display of dedication and brand loyalty, Short Pump resident Martha DeFord, 54, is expected to refer to Publix as “Ukrop’s” even after the upcoming switch-over. Witnesses report [read more ... ]

Sugar Shack Unveils “Budweiser and Dip” Donut for New Hanover County Location

HANOVER, Va. — Continuing the trend of innovative recipes for their popular donuts, Sugar Shack announced today the introduction of their newest menu item: a handcrafted donut infused with Budweiser beer and chewing tobacco (commonly referred to [read more ... ]

NOVA Man’s Commute So Long He Claims Metro Train as Legal Residence

FAIRFAX, Va. — In a bold move, with potential legal ramifications that have yet to be fully realized, a Northern Virginia man has claimed a Metro train as his legal residence for tax purposes. “I crunched the numbers, and I realized I spend more [read more ... ]

Local Fourth Grader Takes First At Annual Spotsylvania Easter Egg Battle Royale

SPOTSYLVANIA, Va. — It was a harrowing spectacle Sunday morning when rugged nine-year-old Andrew Murray emerged from a thicket near Spotsylvania Library and Arena, desperately clutching two handfuls of plastic eggs against his tattered armor and [read more ... ]

UN Officially Classifies NOVA Traffic As Crime Against Humanity

NEW YORK — The United Nations (UN) announced this week that traffic in Northern Virginia, known colloquially as NOVA, is now a formally recognized crime against humanity. This move came after the International Criminal Court, based in the Hague, [read more ... ]

Family Holds Intervention For NOVA Man Claiming To Be From DC

MANASSAS, Va. — John McCreary of Manassas was forced to undergo a traumatic but life-saving intervention this last weekend after his family became increasingly concerned about his inability to accept Virginia as his home state. The trouble started [read more ... ]