NoVA & DC

Manassas Resident Really Stretching Definition of D.C. Area

MANASSAS, Va. — Emphasizing that his hometown lies only a few minutes away from the nation’s capitol, Manassas resident Jacob Rich is really stretching the definition of the D.C. area, sources confirmed Sunday. Rich was recently seen in a [read more ... ]

Band Performing in D.C. Forgets to Prepare Uninformed Political Statement Before Concert

WASHINGTON — Local indie punk band Black Vulture forgot to deliver an uneducated political statement during their concert at the Black Cat, sources confirmed Wednesday. “We got to the start of the encore, and totally blanked on my diatribe about [read more ... ]

D.C. Man Casually Mentions Dislike of “The West Wing,” Ostracized from Society, Dies Alone

WASHINGTON — William Christopher Riley, 47, of Cathedral Heights, departed this Earth on Sunday after a prolonged battle with loneliness. Riley is survived by his mother Eleanor and his cat Wonky. A career public servant, Riley worked at the [read more ... ]

Alexandria Fourth Grader Totally Stoked for Ninth Consecutive Field Trip to Museum of Natural History

ALEXANDRIA, Va. — Wasting no time in getting his permission slip for the occasion signed by his mother, Tyler Christie, a fourth grader at John Adams Elementary School in Alexandria, is extremely excited about his upcoming class field trip to the [read more ... ]

Local Fourth Grader Takes First At Annual Spotsylvania Easter Egg Battle Royale

SPOTSYLVANIA, Va. — It was a harrowing spectacle Sunday morning when rugged nine-year-old Andrew Murray emerged from a thicket near Spotsylvania Library and Arena, desperately clutching two handfuls of plastic eggs against his tattered armor and [read more ... ]

Arlington Millennial Keeps Insisting That Living in Arlington “Just as Good as Living in Georgetown” for Reassurance

ARLINGTON, Va. — Local young professional Avery Hobson, 27, has reportedly spent the better part of the last two years strenuously arguing that residing in Arlington is “just as good as living in Georgetown.” Her position on this topic, which [read more ... ]

DC Bar Bans Question ‘What do you do?’ Happy Hour Silent

WASHINGTON — Following a new ban on the common greeting “What do you do?” the patrons of a popular D.C. bar have gone silent, sources confirmed Sunday. Bar Charley, a lively spot for young professionals, instituted the policy last week in an [read more ... ]

Unemployed DC Millennial to Work at Non-Profit and Move Back in with Parents

WASHINGTON — Hope Hicks, 29, known primarily as the face of the “Hourglass Adventures” children’s novels, has announced that she will officially be joining the growing non-profit Leech for America (LFA). Hicks will be taking over as Director [read more ... ]

Richmond Young Professional Only Mentions “Lower Cost of Living” 34 Times in Conversation with D.C. Colleagues

WASHINGTON — At a recent Capital One team conference in Washington D.C., Richmond resident Alicia Erikson took it upon herself to tell her colleagues multiple times of the lower cost of living she benefits from in central Virginia. “Just so [read more ... ]