NoVA & DC

Ghost of Herman Cain To Speak at Million MAGA March

WASHINGTON — The organizers behind the Million MAGA March announced today that the ghost of recently deceased political activist Herman Cain will be among those speaking at Saturday’s rally in support of President Trump’s claims of fraudulent [read more ... ]

“Actually, Nothing Really Happens at Bunny Man Bridge on Halloween” Says Guy Who Just Fucking Got Here

FAIRFAX, Va. — Casually explaining the urban legends to people who likely already know the truth, Christopher Doyle, a new resident of Fairfax, clarified that nothing really happens at Bunny Man Bridge on Halloween, sources confirmed Tuesday. [read more ... ]

Op-Ed: I Used to Think Gentrification Was a Bad Thing, Then I Tried Korean BBQ Tacos With an IPA

I know Richmond is growing, and is becoming a “hip” place to live. And the city is becoming more expensive as it grows. I moved here from Fairfax a few years ago when I got a job at a startup in the Bottom. Since then, I’ve seen the cost of [read more ... ]

Zillow Now Advertising Nuclear Blast Radius in Northern Virginia Listings

ARLINGTON, Va. — Touting a new feature that will bring neighborhood safety and security to the next level, popular home purchasing app Zillow will begin disclosing where Northern Virginia houses fall in the event of a nuclear attack on the [read more ... ]

Terry McAuliffe Dragged out by Event Security After Trying to Rush Presidential Debate Stage

CLEVELAND, Oh. — In a decision fueled by political determination and a blood alcohol concentration level of 0.12, former Virginia Gov. Terry McAuliffe was forcibly dragged out of the 2020 Presidential Debate after attempting to rush the stage, [read more ... ]

Drunk Terry McAuliffe Seen Running Down the Street Making Airplane Noises

MCLEAN, Va. — A heavily intoxicated Terry McAuliffe was spotted yesterday running down Balls Hill Road in a zigzag pattern while making airplane noises, sources reported. Witnesses said that the former governor held up traffic as he made several [read more ... ]

Georgetown Alumnus Makes Sure You’re Aware He Knows Three Politicians Personally

WASHINGTON — Several Georgetown students were reportedly blown away during a Sunday afternoon networking event at the popular college bar, The Tombs, when recent alumnus Paul Brownstone assured his fellow Hoyas in no uncertain terms that he knew [read more ... ]

Manassas Resident Really Stretching Definition of D.C. Area

MANASSAS, Va. — Emphasizing that his hometown lies only a few minutes away from the nation’s capitol, Manassas resident Jacob Rich is really stretching the definition of the D.C. area, sources confirmed Sunday. Rich was recently seen in a [read more ... ]

Guy on DC Metro Not Using Any Handrails for Assistance Must Be Total Badass

WASHINGTON — Impressing onlookers with his cool demeanor as he stood firmly in place, that one guy on the DC metro not using any handrails for assistance must be a complete badass, sources confirmed Monday. RELATED (article continued [read more ... ]