NoVA & DC

Richmond Young Professional Only Mentions “Lower Cost of Living” 34 Times in Conversation with D.C. Colleagues

WASHINGTON — At a recent Capital One team conference in Washington D.C., Richmond resident Alicia Erikson took it upon herself to tell her colleagues multiple times of the lower cost of living she benefits from in central Virginia. “Just so [read more ... ]

GMU Freshman with 500+ Connections on LinkedIn Thinks He’s Some Kind of Big Shot

FAIRFAX, Va — In a probably unprecedented turn of events, GMU freshman Austin Wilson revealed today that he has hit over 500 connections on his LinkedIn profile. “I got 500 plus connections on LinkedIn,” Wilson yelled, gleefully yet [read more ... ]

Local Speakeasy Patron Suspects Bartender Has Made up at Least Half of Ingredients Listed in Cocktail

RICHMOND, Va. — After hearing about the squid ink demerara and the lavender sponge that supposedly went into her drink, local speakeasy patron Becky Hilliard began to suspect that the bartender was making up at least half of the ingredients in her [read more ... ]

Alexandria Shuts Down 50 Local Businesses to Create Jobs for Amazon Bid

ALEXANDRIA, Va. — In order to enhance its already incredibly slim chances of winning the HQ2 bid to be the new location for Amazon’s second headquarters, the Alexandria City Council has recently shut down 50 local businesses, sources confirmed [read more ... ]

Study Reveals Every Restaurant in Annandale Is Korean BBQ

ANNANDALE, Va. — A recent study commissioned by the Annandale Restaurant Information Research Council has confirmed that every restaurant in Annandale is a Korean barbecue establishment. The study was the result of multiple inquiries asking the [read more ... ]

Arlington Trivia Team Unable to Agree on Snarky Name, Disbands

ARLINGTON, Va. — Unable to handle the pressures of choosing a snarky yet sophisticated name for their group, an Arlington-based trivia team has chosen to disband and dissolve its membership effective immediately. Witnesses to the dispute claim [read more ... ]

Mulder and Scully to Investigate Traffic Around Quantico in Newest Season of “The X-Files”

DUMFRIES, Va. — Showrunner Chris Carter has confirmed that, in the highly anticipated new season of his iconic program “The X-Files,” the show’s two main characters will discover the truth about a highly-speculated-upon local, almost [read more ... ]

New App Scrubs Tinder Pictures of Men Fishing, Women Shooting

ARLINGTON, Va. — In an attempt to alleviate a common issue with Tinder profiles, the developers behind the popular dating app have created a new expansion that helps eliminate the large numbers of photos showing men fishing and women shooting [read more ... ]

Soccer Bro Rises from Hibernation to Condescendingly Explain Offsides to Bar During World Cup

ARLINGTON, Va. — Upon receiving word that the 2018 World Cup in Russia was about to begin, Arlington resident Joe O’Connor has finally arisen from his four-year hibernation to explain offsides and other rules of the game, sources confirmed [read more ... ]