NoVA & DC

Guy Who Does Nothing for the Cause Marks Interested on Women’s March Facebook Event for Feminist Brownie Points

FAIRFAX, Va. — Despite contributing nothing toward the cause as a whole, Fairfax resident Brian Bellfield has shared on Facebook that he is interested in attending this year’s Women’s March. RELATED (article continued below): Trump Team [read more ... ]

Crystal City Regretting Amazon Contract Clause Calling for the Sacrifice of First Born Children for New HQ

CRYSTAL CITY, Va. — Explaining that the number of children to be slaughtered was starting to add up, officials in Crystal City are attempting to renegotiate a clause in their Amazon HQ2 bid contract that called for the sacrificing of first-born [read more ... ]

Future President of United States Currently Puking Behind a Dumpster in Georgetown

WASHINGTON — Leaning over a festering garbage bag full of expired foie gras and duck confit, Georgetown swim team captain and future president of the United States Travis Bellington is currently heaving his ever-loving guts out, according to [read more ... ]

Spotsylvania Voted “Best Place to Drive Past” Fifth Year in a Row

FREDERICKSBURG, Va. — For the fifth consecutive year, Spotsylvania County claimed victory today in the Virginia Tourism Board’s (VTB) annual “Best Place to Drive Past” contest. The winner was revealed by Amanda Conrad, a representative from [read more ... ]

Tysons Corner Parking Garage Standoff Hits Hour 92

TYSONS CORNER, Va. — In the madness of the Christmas shopping rush, a standoff between drivers for a parking space in Tysons Corner Parking Garage C has hit its 92nd hour, officials confirmed Saturday. RELATED (article related below): Our online [read more ... ]

Family Traveling From Fairfax to Richmond Leaves Now to Make It in Time for Christmas

FAIRFAX, Va. — Determined to make it to her mother’s house in Richmond by Christmas morning, Lydia Manderson and her family are leaving their Fairfax County home right now, sources confirmed Monday. RELATED (article continued below): Avoid [read more ... ]

Officials Monitoring Migrant Caravan of Tech Bros Moving Across the US in Search of Amazon Jobs

ARLINGTON, Va. — The announcement of Amazon’s HQ2 location in Arlington has sparked a migrant caravan of tech bros moving across the US in search of job opportunities, sources confirmed Tuesday. RELATED (article continued below): The holidays [read more ... ]

Modern Day Supervillain Chooses Crystal City for Second Lair

NATIONAL LANDING, Va. — In a highly anticipated announcement, earlier this week e-commerce juggernaut Amazon revealed that it had selected Long Island City, New York, and Crystal City, Virginia, as the sites for Amazon founder and Lex Luthor [read more ... ]

Jeff Sessions Seen Auditioning for Tysons Corner Christmas Elf

TYSONS, Va. — After being forced to resign by President Trump, former Attorney General Jeff Sessions was spotted this week by early Christmas shoppers at Tysons Corner Center trying out to be one of Santa’s helper elves, sources confirmed [read more ... ]