Richmond

Stoney Petitions Northam to Delay Reopening Until He Can Finally Get Baguettes Right

RICHMOND, Va. — Speaking from his home kitchen via Zoom, Richmond Mayor Levar Stoney stressed the need for patience in the coming days and weeks regarding the quarantine reopening process, claiming that he has yet to achieve two key metrics of [read more ... ]

NBC’s Thaddeus the Thunder Opossum Struggling to Compete With Walter the CBS Weather Dog

RICHMOND, Va. — Following the success of Walter the Weather Dog on local television station CBS 6 News, competing news outlet NBC12 recently introduced viewers to Thaddeus the Thunder Opossum, a one-year-old marsupial with a panache for detecting [read more ... ]

Low Temperatures Temporarily Reduce Stench Of Shockoe Bottom

RICHMOND, Va. – Following a period of unexpectedly cold temperatures, residents of Richmond’s Shockoe Bottom district are celebrating a noticeable reduction in the “Shockoe stank” that normally permeates the neighborhood. “I’m so [read more ... ]

We Tried a Flight of Distilleries’ and Breweries’ Hand Sanitizers and Would Actually Prefer a Double IPA, Please

RICHMOND, Va. — Widespread instructions to douse our entire lives with sanitizer have created a massive demand for the alcohol-based disinfectant, leading many businesses impacted by COVID-19 to turn to another potential revenue source: producing [read more ... ]

Fan Resident Willing to Pay $1 Million to Be Within Walking Distance of Bandito’s

RICHMOND, Va. — When Brik Layton set out to find a roommate for his quaint but trendy two-bedroom apartment along Kensington Avenue in Richmond’s bustling Museum District, he thought his lofty price tag of $1 million a month might be aiming too [read more ... ]

Stoney Delays Reopening Until Monuments Are Tested

RICHMOND, Va. — Stressing the importance of testing, Mayor Levar Stoney has made the last minute decision to postpone the initial phase of Richmond’s reopening until the statues of Monument Avenue are tested for COVID-19. RELATED (article [read more ... ]

Richmond to Honor First Responders With Bolt Scooter Formation on Broad Street

RICHMOND, Va. — In a display of gratitude to the city’s first responders and essential personnel, Richmonders will use the city’s collection of Bolt scooters to perform a “scoot-over” on Broad Street later this afternoon, officials [read more ... ]

“Did you know that the moonshine in ABC stores is fake?” Says Guy Who Just Fucking Got Here

RICHMOND, Va. — During a recent work happy hour, North Carolina native Steven McComas, who just fucking got here, informed his co-workers that the moonshine sold in ABC stores is actually fake. McComas, who relocated from Raleigh for a job at [read more ... ]

Op-ed: I’m a Monument Avenue Purebred and You Play Cornhole Where I Shit

Hey you. Yeah, you. Just who do you think you are? I may just look like an innocent purebred with perfect lineage I can trace back 14 generations, but I’ve got something to say to you. Every year, as spring slowly transitions into summer, you [read more ... ]