Richmond

VCU Manages to Gentrify Columbia, S.C. After Being There for One Night

COLUMBIA, Sc. — Following their loss to University of Central Florida on Friday, VCU managed to gentrify the entire town of Columbia, S.C., in a single night before returning home Saturday, sources revealed this morning. “Our state capital looks [read more ... ]

Sims-Themed Bar Shuts Down After Customers Stay for Seven Hours and Only Buy One Beer

RICHMOND, Va. — Citing a lack of revenue from patrons who spent all of their time fixated on their fantasy worlds, a Sims-themed bar closed its doors this week after only two months of operation. RELATED (article continued below): Help us continue [read more ... ]

Op-ed: I’m A Broad St. Pothole And Wrecking Your Axle Is The Best Part Of My Fuckin’ Day

It’s 7:30 a.m. on a beautiful Tuesday morning and you’re heading into work. You pull out of the garage below your downtown condo and begin your morning commute with all the other motorists, jacked up on obscene amounts of caffeine and [read more ... ]

Report: Short Pump Market Strong Enough for Second Olive Garden Location

SHORT PUMP, Va. — An exhaustive two-year cost-benefit analysis by Darden Restaurants, Inc. has determined that the Short Pump market is strong enough for a second Olive Garden location, sources confirmed today. RELATED (article continued below): [read more ... ]

Terry McAuliffe Takes St. Patrick’s Day Off, Still Drunker Than Everyone at Siné

RICHMOND, Va. — Former governor, potential presidential candidate, and current Irish caricature, Terry McAuliffe, announced today that he would be abstaining from the usual St. Patrick’s Day celebrations. Despite this, early reports indicated [read more ... ]

Rich Irish Cultural Heritage Reduced to Getting Shitfaced at Shamrock the Block

RICHMOND, Va. — While commemorating and honoring the patron saint of Ireland, Church Hill resident Derek Desmond became completely obliterated before pissing in a secluded alleyway in Scott’s Addition while attending Richmond’s annual Shamrock [read more ... ]

Area Vigilantes Seek Justice Against People Leaving Carts in Grocery Store Aisles

RICHMOND, Va. — Vigilantes hoping to shame people who leave their carts right in the middle of grocery store aisles struck last night at a local Kroger, sources confirmed Tuesday. RELATED (article continued below): Family Has Heated Debate [read more ... ]

Northam to Take Over Cosmetology Classes After Richmond Public Schools Job Cuts

RICHMOND, Va. — Richmond Public Schools (RPS) has undergone a series of job cuts, potentially forcing the school district to go without cosmetology classes for the next semester. However, to keep the program alive, makeup enthusiast Gov. Ralph [read more ... ]

Tree House in Museum District Backyard Sells for $1.2 Million

RICHMOND, Va. — The latest example of the seller’s market for Richmond real estate manifested itself when a tree house in the backyard of a home on the 3300 block of Grove Avenue sold for $1.2 million last week, sources confirmed today. [read more ... ]