Statewide

Youngkin Punishes Son for Attempted Voter Fraud by Appointing Him Cabinet Position

GREAT FALLS, Va. — In an effort to teach his son that actions have consequences, governor-elect Glenn Youngkin has appointed his son Thomas a cabinet position within his administration following his attempt to vote twice in Virginia’s [read more ... ]

“Ready to Vote Today, Cowboy?” Reads Monday Morning Text Sent From Drunk Terry McAuliffe to Glenn Youngkin

RICHMOND, Va. — As both an act of challenge and a friendly reminder, Democratic gubernatorial Terry McAuliffe texted his Republican opponent Glenn Youngkin while heavily intoxicated asking if he was ready to vote today, sources confirmed Tuesday. [read more ... ]

Polling Shows Healthcare, Ending Goddamn Campaign Commercials Top Issues in Tuesday’s Election

RICHMOND, Va. — A new poll of voters across the commonwealth revealed that the top issues people are focusing on in Tuesday’s elections are healthcare and putting an end to the goddamn campaign commercials. RELATED (article continued [read more ... ]

Amanda Chase Votes for Glenn Youngkin Six Times To Cancel Out Any Potential Voter Fraud

RICHMOND, Va. — Explaining that it’s a necessary measure to combat a cheating enemy, Sen. Amanda Chase, R-11, has voted for Republican gubernatorial candidate Glenn Youngkin six times to date, sources confirmed Saturday. “We let the Dems [read more ... ]

Report: Youngkin Promise To Eliminate the Grocery Tax Just a Ploy to Hoard All of State’s Rainbow Cookies for Himself

RICHMOND, Va. — The campaign for Republican gubernatorial candidate Glenn Youngkin is under fire following allegations regarding his proposal to eliminate the grocery tax, which, according to some sources, is merely a ploy to begin hoarding all of [read more ... ]

McAuliffe Campaign Promises To Make Happy Hour Last 25 Hours A Day In Move To Secure Youth Vote

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Youngkin Vows To Discover Personal Liberties You Had No Idea Were Being Threatened

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Report: That F-150 on I-95 Will Never Let You Merge

WOODBRIDGE, Va. — As indicated by his complete unwillingness to give you some space to switch lanes, the red Ford F-150 traveling on I-95 will never let you merge over to the middle lane, sources confirmed Wednesday. “This guy has been [read more ... ]