Statewide

Generous Powhatan Reenactor Donates Coronavirus Contaminated Blankets to Jamestown Interpreter

JAMESTOWN, Va. — In an attempted act of charity, professional Powhatan tribe reenactor John Kinsey unwittingly donated used blankets utterly teeming with the novel coronavirus to a group of Jamestown interpreters. RELATED (article continued [read more ... ]

Breaking: Politicians Can’t Decide if You’re Better off Dead, or Jobless and Then Dead

RICHMOND, Va. — In an emergency meeting of the General Assembly, politicians from across the commonwealth gathered to settle a pressing question in the midst of the current pandemic: Are you better off dead, or jobless and then dead? [read more ... ]

Guy Who Spent Seven Minutes on Civil War Wikipedia Page Ready to Get Into It in the Comments Section

MECHANICSVILLE, Va. — After spending a total of seven minutes on Wikipedia researching the Civil War, Mechanicsville resident Martin Clark felt prepared to go off in the comments section of a Richmond Times-Dispatch Facebook post, sources [read more ... ]

WxRisk Says Don’t Worry, We’ll Get Snow In August

RICHMOND, Va. — Noted counterculture weather guru WxRisk, has announced that the Richmond area will be faced with a snowstorm of epic proportions this coming August. RELATED (article continued below): Opossum Not Hit by Car on Route 29, Six More [read more ... ]

Op-Ed: No, You Still Can’t Grow a Fucking Beard During Quarantine

It may seem convenient to cast aside common decency during the current crisis and go for comfort and convenience. I mean, why not? Everything has gone to utter shit and you’re trapped at home. If you were lucky enough to have retirement, well, you [read more ... ]

We Ranked the Only Stoplight in Floyd County

FLOYD, Va. — Whether you’re traveling on Route 8 from the middle of nowhere or driving on Route 221 coming from slightly left of the middle of nowhere, you may find yourself face to face with the one and only stoplight in Floyd County. Here is [read more ... ]

Report: It’s Still Fucking Monday Even While Working From Home

EVERYWHERE — Despite the fact that Virginia’s workers don’t have to physically travel to their offices due to COVID-19, the Virginia Department of Labor has confirmed that it’s still fucking Monday while working from home. “Unfortunately, [read more ... ]

Is This Man the New Seal of Virginia?

RICHMOND, Va. — In recent months, the United States has been consumed by a fervor of discussion and action centering on revisiting, revising, and in certain cases replacing some of the nation’s oldest historical landmarks and traditions. As [read more ... ]

Mike Pence Kicks off Hands Across America Event to Fight Coronavirus

WASHINGTON — An estimated 5 million Americans participated in an impromptu Hands Across America event on Saturday, stretching from South Carolina down to the western border of Arkansas. The spectacle, described as the keystone of Vice President [read more ... ]