Statewide

State Capitol Janitor Frank Surprised to Find He’s Virginia’s New Governor

RICHMOND, Va. — Explaining that he had no idea he was even in the line of succession to become the leader of the Commonwealth, Frank Donahue, the State Capitol’s head janitor, arrived at work to discover that he was now Virginia’s governor, [read more ... ]

CBS 6 Weather Predictions Reduced to Shrugging and Saying “Sure, Why Not”

RICHMOND, Va. — Explaining that conventional methods of meteorological study were not enough to keep up with the ever-changing weather in Virginia, CBS 6 will reduce their weather forecast segments to a single meteorologist standing in front of a [read more ... ]

Gillespie Staffer Fired for Not Finding Northam Pictures During Election

RICHMOND, Va. — Entirely convinced that his campaign staff’s inability to find Northam’s yearbook photos showing him dressed in racist attire cost him the 2017 election, former gubernatorial candidate Ed Gillespie has fired former staffer [read more ... ]

A Peedmont Guide to Dealing With the Patriots Fan at Your Superbowl Party Who Won’t Shut the Hell Up

Super Bowl LIII is approaching and, much like the heat death of the universe, it’s inevitable that the New England Patriots would be involved. In a rematch of Super Bowl XXXVI, the Patriots are taking on the Los Angeles Rams, much to the surprise [read more ... ]

Abortion Controversy Only Second Worse Thing to Happen to White Male Governor This Week

RICHMOND, Va. — Doubling down on contentious topics within days of each other, Gov. Ralph Northam is in deep water for allegations of racist costumes from a college yearbook photos after making controversial claims on late-term abortions. RELATED [read more ... ]

Ralph Northam Defending Himself, Uses Justin Fairfax to Prove He Has Black Friends

RICHMOND, Va — After an image from his college yearbook page depicting a man dressed in KKK attire and a man in blackface came to light on Friday, Virginia Gov. Ralph Northam would like to remind Virginians that he is friends with Lt. Gov. Justin [read more ... ]

Opossum Not Hit by Car on Route 29, Six More Weeks of Unpredictable Weather

ALTAVISTA, Va. — Al the Altavista Opossum, Virginia’s own marsupial meteorologist, did not die on the side of the Route 29 today, meaning that Virginians can look forward to six more weeks of completely unpredictable weather. RELATED (article [read more ... ]

Virginia’s Major Interstates, Ranked by Sexiness

While Virginia is known for a variety of fascinating topics, one particular aspect stands out like a glowing beacon of irresistible lust: infrastructure. So we did the research on Virginia’s major interstates, and have finally reached a [read more ... ]

Op-Ed: If PBR Wasn’t a Good Beer, Then It Wouldn’t Have Won the “America’s Best” Award in 1893

Listen up folks, because I’m here for one reason and one reason only, and that’s to help put an end once and for all to these craft beer bros failing to respect the proper brews that helped build the backbone of America. And no, I’m not [read more ... ]