Statewide

New Research Reveals That Absolutely Nobody in Virginia Should Drive in Snow

FAIRFAX, Va. — A new study conducted by researchers at George Mason University has unveiled that Virginia citizens should never be allowed to drive in the snow, regardless of circumstance. The experiment consisted of observing people from various [read more ... ]

Area Millennial Waits Patiently for Satirical News Site to Start Covering the Next Generation

RICHMOND, Va. — Local millennial Walter Harris, who always hopes to read satirical articles mocking Generation Z, was once again reportedly disappointed by his favorite satirical news site. “Every morning I wake up and see a satirical article [read more ... ]

We Ranked the Two Restaurants in Aylett, Virginia From Best to Worst

KING WILLIAM, Va. — Restaurant week is here in Aylett, Virginia (population: the cousins you never visit) and that means it’s time for The Peedmont to rate the best and worst dining experiences podunk Virginia has to offer. RELATED (article [read more ... ]

Corey Stewart Enters Reconstruction Period

DULUTH, Minn. — After being declared the loser in last Tuesday’s election only minutes after the polls closed, U.S. Senate candidate Corey Stewart must once again face a familiar dilemma — figuring out the next thing he can fail spectacularly [read more ... ]

Sulking Dave Brat Cheers up After Being Reminded He No Longer Has to Deal With Female Constituents

RICHMOND, Va. — Weeping in the aftermath of defeat in the Virginia midterm election, Rep. Dave Brat, R-7th, cheered up after being reminded that his district contained women, sources confirmed Wednesday morning. “It’s really too bad he [read more ... ]

Corey Stewart Learns of Defeat via Telegraph

RICHMOND, Va. — In an awkward exchange early this morning, Republican Senatorial candidate Corey Stewart was informed via telegraph of his loss in the 2018 Election to Tim Kaine before a crowd of reporters. Stewart had been giving a passionate and [read more ... ]

Corey Stewart Voter Writes In Andrew Jackson for Other Positions

CHESTERFIELD, Va. — Election Day has arrived in the Commonwealth, and Chesterfield resident Erica Randall is eager to show her support for Republican Senatorial candidate Corey Stewart. However, like many voters, Randall forgot that there were [read more ... ]

God Postpones Apocalypse After Hiking Through Shenandoah Fall Foliage

HEAVEN — As his majestic voice beckoned throughout the clouds above, God announced yesterday that he has decided to postpone his forthcoming apocalypse until further notice after taking a hike through the autumn-colored wilderness of Shenandoah [read more ... ]

Prominent Catholic Politician Awkwardly Talks Way Through Abortion Support

RICHMOND, Va. — Senatorial incumbent and Roman Catholic Tim Kaine hopes to ride a wave of progressive support to victory this November by stressing his support of abortion rights during rallies leading up to Election Day. Though abortion is [read more ... ]