alexandria

Arlington Millennial Keeps Insisting That Living in Arlington “Just as Good as Living in Georgetown” for Reassurance

ARLINGTON, Va. — Local young professional Avery Hobson, 27, has reportedly spent the better part of the last two years strenuously arguing that residing in Arlington is “just as good as living in Georgetown.” Her position on this topic, which [read more ... ]

Recent 23 Year Old Indignant When Asked For ID at ABC Store

FAIRFAX, Va. — Stressing the sheer inconvenience of having to pull out her driver’s license, 23-year-old Fairfax resident Julianne Garrett was indignant when asked for her ID at an ABC store, sources confirmed Tuesday. Garrett, who only turned [read more ... ]

Arlington Memorial Bridge Gets $227 Million Makeover, Bravo Reality Show

WASHINGTON — After years of speculation regarding repairs and remodeling, the Arlington Memorial Bridge will finally be getting a $227 million makeover, sponsored by a Bravo reality TV show, sources confirmed Monday. The bridge, which was opened [read more ... ]

Pandas Finalize Plans to Break out of National Zoo During Government Shutdown

WASHINGTON — Following the shutdown of the United States government as a result of Congress’s inability to reach an agreement on immigration legislature, the National Zoo’s giant pandas have finalized plans to break out of their enclosure, [read more ... ]

Confused Deer Wondering How In The Hell It Ended Up In Alexandria

ALEXANDRIA, Va. – After wandering through numerous residential neighborhoods and buzzing streets, a perplexed whitetail deer is wondering how in the living hell it ended up in the city of Alexandria. “I honestly don’t know how this could’ve [read more ... ]

President Obama Currently Stuck In Beltway Traffic

STERLING, Va. — According to reports from his own motorcade, President Barack Obama is currently sitting in standstill traffic on Interstate 66 in northern Virginia. “This is unbelievable. I thought we fixed this mess over the past few years [read more ... ]