Amazon

Chesterfield Woman Buys “Shop Local” Tote Bag on Amazon

CHESTERFIELD, Va. — Drawn in by the gift’s heartwarming message during a troubling year, Chesterfield resident Brittneigh Kelley purchased a tote bag with the message “Shop Local” printed onto its side from Amazon, sources confirmed [read more ... ]

Officials Monitoring Migrant Caravan of Tech Bros Moving Across the US in Search of Amazon Jobs

ARLINGTON, Va. — The announcement of Amazon’s HQ2 location in Arlington has sparked a migrant caravan of tech bros moving across the US in search of job opportunities, sources confirmed Tuesday. RELATED (article continued below): The [read more ... ]

VCU Partners With Amazon Prime for Next Day Diploma Delivery

RICHMOND, Va. — In a move many are calling as controversial as it is progressive, Virginia Commonwealth University has partnered with commercial juggernaut Amazon Prime to deliver diplomas within 24 hours of graduation. While some are heralding [read more ... ]

Supervillain Jeff Bezos Uses Government Shutdown to Steal All National Monuments

WASHINGTON — Broadcasting live from the bowels of his new lair in Crystal City, Amazon CEO and unapologetic supervillain Jeff Bezos announced yesterday that he had taken advantage of the government shutdown in Washington to finally fulfill his [read more ... ]

Crystal City Regretting Amazon Contract Clause Calling for the Sacrifice of First Born Children for New HQ

CRYSTAL CITY, Va. — Explaining that the number of children to be slaughtered was starting to add up, officials in Crystal City are attempting to renegotiate a clause in their Amazon HQ2 bid contract that called for the sacrificing of first-born [read more ... ]

Modern Day Supervillain Chooses Crystal City for Second Lair

NATIONAL LANDING, Va. — In a highly anticipated announcement, earlier this week e-commerce juggernaut Amazon revealed that it had selected Long Island City, New York, and Crystal City, Virginia, as the sites for Amazon founder and Lex Luthor [read more ... ]

Alexandria Shuts Down 50 Local Businesses to Create Jobs for Amazon Bid

ALEXANDRIA, Va. — In order to enhance its already incredibly slim chances of winning the HQ2 bid to be the new location for Amazon’s second headquarters, the Alexandria City Council has recently shut down 50 local businesses, sources confirmed [read more ... ]

Source: Richmond’s Amazon Bid Packet Included Two RVA Bumper Stickers, Gift Card to Bottoms Up Pizza

RICHMOND, Va. — According to an anonymous source on Governor Terry McAuliffe’s staff, Richmond’s bid packet for Amazon’s new headquarters included a couple of RVA bumper stickers and a gift card to Bottoms Up Pizza. The source claims that [read more ... ]