arlington

Arlington Consultant Bro Poor Shamed for Qualifying for Stimulus Relief

ARLINGTON, Va. — News broke today that Brad Starr, a Deloitte consultant in Arlington, may qualified for an additional stimulus relief payment in what co-workers and friends are calling, “a total peasant move, bro.” RELATED (article [read more ... ]

Family Traveling From Fairfax to Richmond Leaves Now to Make It in Time for Christmas

FAIRFAX, Va. — Determined to make it to her mother’s house in Richmond by Christmas morning, Lydia Manderson and her family are leaving their Fairfax County home right now, sources confirmed Sunday. RELATED (article continued below): Ghost of [read more ... ]

“Actually, Nothing Really Happens at Bunny Man Bridge on Halloween” Says Guy Who Just Fucking Got Here

FAIRFAX, Va. — Casually explaining the urban legends to people who likely already know the truth, Christopher Doyle, a new resident of Fairfax, clarified that nothing really happens at Bunny Man Bridge on Halloween, sources confirmed Tuesday. [read more ... ]

Zillow Now Advertising Nuclear Blast Radius in Northern Virginia Listings

ARLINGTON, Va. — Touting a new feature that will bring neighborhood safety and security to the next level, popular home purchasing app Zillow will begin disclosing where Northern Virginia houses fall in the event of a nuclear attack on the [read more ... ]

Manassas Resident Really Stretching Definition of D.C. Area

MANASSAS, Va. — Emphasizing that his hometown lies only a few minutes away from the nation’s capitol, Manassas resident Jacob Rich is really stretching the definition of the D.C. area, sources confirmed Sunday. Rich was recently seen in a [read more ... ]

Tysons Corner Parking Garage Standoff Hits Hour 92

TYSONS CORNER, Va. — In the madness of the Christmas shopping rush, a standoff between drivers for a parking space in Tysons Corner Parking Garage C has hit its 92nd hour, officials confirmed Saturday. RELATED (article related below): Our online [read more ... ]

Officials Monitoring Migrant Caravan of Tech Bros Moving Across the US in Search of Amazon Jobs

ARLINGTON, Va. — The announcement of Amazon’s HQ2 location in Arlington has sparked a migrant caravan of tech bros moving across the US in search of job opportunities, sources confirmed Tuesday. RELATED (article continued below): The [read more ... ]

New App Scrubs Tinder Pictures of Men Fishing, Women Shooting

ARLINGTON, Va. — In an attempt to alleviate a common issue with Tinder profiles, the developers behind the popular dating app have created a new expansion that helps eliminate the large numbers of photos showing men fishing and women shooting [read more ... ]

Passenger Jumps out of Uber to Avoid Conversation with Driver

TYSONS CORNER, Va. — In a desperate attempt to avoid discussing what he does for work and how long he’s lived in the area, Arlington resident David Murphy jumped out of an Uber after his driver made numerous failed attempts at [read more ... ]