Dave Brat

“Who’s Running in This Bitch Again?” Asks Shitfaced Terry McAuliffe in Voting Line on Election Day

RICHMOND, Va. — Reeking of various craft beers, a heavily intoxicated former Gov. Terry McAuliffe loudly yelled for someone to tell him who was running in the election, sources confirmed Tuesday. RELATED (article continued below): Terry McAuliffe [read more ... ]

Trump Points to Coal in Stocking as Proof of Virginia Coal Industry Booming

WASHINGTON — Stock prices are expected to soar when trading resumes after President Trump pointed to the vast amounts of coal in his stocking on Christmas morning as definitive proof that Virginia’s coal industry is booming. The President awoke [read more ... ]

Terry McAuliffe Drunkenly Caroling Gets Through Three Bars of “Jingle Bells” Before Passing out on Porch

CHESTERFIELD, Va. — In an effort to get his former constituents in the holiday spirit, a heavily intoxicated former Gov. Terry McAuliffe only made it through the first few verses of “Jingle Bells” before passing out while going door-to-door [read more ... ]

McAullife: “This is the worst hangover I’ve had since my 2014 inauguration”

RICHMOND, Va. — Following former Vice President Joe Biden’s triumphant victory in the 2020 Presidential Election, former Gov. Terry McAullife announced this morning that he is suffering from his worst hangover in years. “Man, we cracked [read more ... ]

Joe Morrissey Spotted in Voting Line With Brown Paper Bag Over His Head

HENRICO, Va. — Four years after his unsuccessful campaign as an independent candidate in Richmond’s 2016 mayoral election, Rep. Joe Morrissey (D-16th) was seen standing in line at his voting precinct wearing a brown paper bag over his head, [read more ... ]

VCU Student’s Civic Responsibility Stops at Free Sticker

RICHMOND, Va. — While young voters across the Commonwealth mobilize for today’s election, one VCU student has decided that her responsibilities as an American citizen and Virginia resident stop right around the point of getting a free “I [read more ... ]

Trump Mistakes Buena Vista for Mexican Town, Tries to Impose Sanctions, Sends ICE Agents

BUENA VISTA, Va. — Laboring under the belief that places with Hispanic-sounding names must be full of illegal immigrants, President Donald Trump has imposed economic sanctions against Buena Vista and has sent a team of Immigration and Customs [read more ... ]

Trump Drafts Chincoteague Ponies to Form First Space Cavalry

ACCOMACK, Va. — Following a surprise statement earlier this week confirming that the United States would soon have a new branch of the military called the “Space Force,” President Donald Trump made headlines once again by revealing that the [read more ... ]

Altria Cigarette Monument Diagnosed With Cancer

RICHMOND, Va. — Altria released a statement today confirming reports that its cigarette monument has been diagnosed with terminal lung cancer. “This is sad news for all of us in the Altria corporate family,” the statement read in part. “We [read more ... ]