Dominion Energy

Liberty University Announces Plans to be Carbon Ultra-Positive by Mid-2020

LYNCHBURG, Va. — Liberty University’s president Jerry Falwell, Jr., yesterday announced a new initiative called “Carbo Diem” that would make Liberty a certified Carbon Ultra-Positive Facility by June 2020. The certification—provided in a [read more ... ]

Dominion to Bulldoze Median Trees to Make Way for Christmas Parade

RICHMOND, Va. — Dominion Energy announced today that it intends to plow through the medians and trees along the route of its annual Christmas parade. Citing the lack of space available for floats and attendees, the company plans to have bulldozers [read more ... ]

Dominion Defends Controversial Decision to Bulldoze Entire Appalachian Mountain Range

RICHMOND, Va. — Claiming the decision was made with the best intentions, Dominion Energy is standing by their controversial commitment to completely destroy the Appalachian Mountain range. According to Dominion spokesperson Richard Deanders, the [read more ... ]

Dominion Promises That New Coliseum Will Be Powered by Whale Oil

RICHMOND, Va. — In a display of their attempts to utilize alternative energy sources, Dominion Energy announced today that it plans to power the new Richmond Coliseum with whale oil. RELATED (article continued below): Dominion Changes Logo From [read more ... ]

Dominion Energy Assures Public That Nuclear Doomsday Machine Built Into Pipeline Will Only Be Used in an Extreme Case

RICHMOND, Va. — Justifying the world-ending device as a simple precaution and nothing more, Dominion Energy has stated that the nuclear doomsday machine built into the Atlantic Coast Pipeline will only be used in an extreme case, sources confirmed [read more ... ]

Dominion Announced as Primary Coal Ash Supplier for Santa

NORTH POLE — As Christmas quickly approaches, Santa Claus announced today at his headquarters that Dominion Energy would be providing coal ash for all the naughty kids of the world. RELATED (article continued below): Need to get something other [read more ... ]

Trump Names Dominion’s Chief Lump of Coal as New Head of EPA

WASHINGTON — President Donald Trump has tapped former Dominion Energy executive and senior chunk of coal ash, Elliot Alesworth Bernard III, to replace the departing administrator of the Environmental Protection Agency, Scott Pruitt, who resigned [read more ... ]