donald trump

Amanda Chase Apologizes in Advance for Next Horrible Words and Deeds

RICHMOND, Va. — Claiming that her campaign schedule is becoming more demanding by the day, Virginia Sen. Amanda Chase (R-Chesterfield) gave a heartfelt preemptive apology for the unconscionable things she will undoubtedly say or do in the coming [read more ... ]

GOP Promises Record Number of Thoughts and Prayers to Combat Gun Violence

WASHINGTON — Following the aftermath of yet another tragic school shooting that has left multiple people dead in El Paso, TX, GOP leaders announced their promise to combat the nation’s gun violence epidemic with a record breaking amount of [read more ... ]

Terry McAuliffe Challenges Entire CNN Newsroom to Game of Flip Cup After Chris Cuomo Interview

ATLANTA — Insisting that there would be enough time in the upcoming commercial break for a full game, former Virginia Gov. Terry McAuliffe challenged CNN’s newsroom to a game of flip cup following his appearance on Cuomo Prime Time, sources [read more ... ]

Trump Mistakes Buena Vista for Mexican Town, Tries to Impose Sanctions, Sends ICE Agents

BUENA VISTA, Va. — Laboring under the belief that places with Hispanic-sounding names must be full of illegal immigrants, President Donald Trump has imposed economic sanctions against Buena Vista and has sent a team of Immigration and Customs [read more ... ]

Levar Stoney Opens Lemonade Stand to Raise Money for Public Schools

RICHMOND, Va. — Stating that the idea worked when he was a kid trying to raise enough money for a Razor scooter, sources confirmed that Mayor Levar Stoney opened a lemonade stand on Saturday in an effort to help fund Richmond Public Schools. [read more ... ]

Corey Stewart Found Emptying Bottle of Bourbon Over Jefferson Davis’s Grave in Hollywood Cemetery

RICHMOND, Va. — Responding to a noise complaint at approximately 8 a.m. Saturday, Richmond police discovered former gubernatorial candidate Corey Stewart sobbing while pouring out a bottle of bourbon over Jefferson Davis’s grave in Hollywood [read more ... ]

House Speaker Kirk Cox Frantically Admits Regretful Decision to Wear Ron Paul ‘88 Shirt During His 30s

RICHMOND, Va. — Saying that his decision to wear the outfit was very regrettable and seemed harmless at the time, House Speaker Kirk Cox has admitted to wearing a shirt supporting Ron Paul during the 1988 presidential election, officials confirmed [read more ... ]

State Capitol Janitor Frank Surprised to Find He’s Virginia’s New Governor

RICHMOND, Va. — Explaining that he had no idea he was even in the line of succession to become the leader of the Commonwealth, Frank Donahue, the State Capitol’s head janitor, arrived at work to discover that he was now Virginia’s governor, [read more ... ]

Abortion Controversy Only Second Worse Thing to Happen to White Male Governor This Week

RICHMOND, Va. — Doubling down on contentious topics within days of each other, Gov. Ralph Northam is in deep water for allegations of racist costumes from a college yearbook photos after making controversial claims on late-term abortions. RELATED [read more ... ]