donald trump

Virginia to Require ID and Clean Bill of Health to Vote

RICHMOND, Va. — In an effort to get the highest possible voter turnout for Super Tuesday’s Democratic primary, Virginia is now requiring both a valid form of photo identification and a clean bill of health for all voters in order to combat the [read more ... ]

Richmond Restaurant Tax Triples Following Visit From Bernie Sanders

RICHMOND, Va. — Richmond’s local economy has taken a stunning blow since Democratic Presidential Candidate Bernie Sanders arrived in town for his rally at the Arthur Ashe Junior Athletic Center yesterday. Upon stepping foot in the city limits, [read more ... ]

Trump Drafts Chincoteague Ponies to Form First Space Cavalry

ACCOMACK, Va. — Following a surprise statement earlier this week confirming that the United States would soon have a new branch of the military called the “Space Force,” President Donald Trump made headlines once again by revealing that the [read more ... ]

Trump Points to Coal in Stocking as Proof of Virginia Coal Industry Booming

WASHINGTON — Stock prices are expected to soar when trading resumes after President Trump pointed to the vast amounts of coal in his stocking on Christmas morning as definitive proof that Virginia’s coal industry is booming. The President awoke [read more ... ]

People Willing to Share Legal Opinions on Facebook Do Not Know What Impeachment Is

WASHINGTON — President Donald Trump has become the third President in American history to be impeached, resulting in many of our readers sharing extensive, complex legal opinions as to the pros and cons inherent in the process. Unfortunately, [read more ... ]

White House Elf on the Shelf Revealed to be Ukranian Whistleblower

WASHINGTON — After months of anonymity, the whistleblower responsible for an official impeachment inquiry into President Donald Trump revealed themselves this morning via a scribbled note left next to a slightly opened cookie jar in the White [read more ... ]

Trump Mistakes Buena Vista for Mexican Town, Tries to Impose Sanctions, Sends ICE Agents

BUENA VISTA, Va. — Laboring under the belief that places with Hispanic-sounding names must be full of illegal immigrants, President Donald Trump has imposed economic sanctions against Buena Vista and has sent a team of Immigration and Customs [read more ... ]

Jeff Sessions Seen Auditioning for Tysons Corner Christmas Elf

TYSONS, Va. — After being forced to resign by President Trump, former Attorney General Jeff Sessions was spotted this week by early Christmas shoppers at Tysons Corner Center trying out to be one of Santa’s helper elves, sources confirmed [read more ... ]

Altria Cigarette Monument Diagnosed With Cancer

RICHMOND, Va. — Altria released a statement today confirming reports that its cigarette monument has been diagnosed with terminal lung cancer. “This is sad news for all of us in the Altria corporate family,” the statement read in part. “We [read more ... ]