donald trump

GOP Promises Record Number of Thoughts and Prayers to Combat Gun Violence

WASHINGTON — Following the aftermath of yet another tragic shooting that has left multiple people dead in Chesapeake, Va., Republican leaders throughout the House and Senate announced their promise to combat the nation’s gun violence epidemic [read more ... ]

Chesterfield Man Looking Forward To Voting for Donald Trump for Fifth Time in 2024

CHESTERFIELD, Va. — Following former President Donald Trump’s announcement to run again in 2024, Chesterfield resident Dan Wilson is looking forward to voting for him a fifth time, sources confirmed Thursday. “Finally, the big news [read more ... ]

Amanda Chase’s Dog Still Stuck Listening To Conspiracy Theories Throughout Facebook Ban

CHESTERFIELD, Va. — Stressing that he is just an innocent canine caught in the crossfire, Remington, the dog of Sen. Amanda Chase, R-11, has been stuck listening to Chase’s conspiracy theories about various political topics since her ban from [read more ... ]

“So, What’s Your Story?” Asks Sulking Donald Trump To Guy Next To Him at 3rd Street Diner

RELATED: Trump Team Accidentally Starts Border Wall At South Of The Border ResortAmanda Chase Casts Vote by Shooting Trump’s Name on Ballot With AR-15Trump Drafts Chincoteague Ponies to Form First Space CavalryCDC Confirms 3rd Street Diner [read more ... ]

Biden’s Inauguration To Be Broadcast on Turner Classic Movies

WASHINGTON — Citing various demographic similarities, President-elect Joe Biden’s inauguration will be broadcast exclusively on Turner Classic Movies (TCM), sources confirmed Wednesday. RELATED (article continued below): Amanda Chase Casts Vote [read more ... ]

Biden Sworn in on Complete MAS*H DVD Box Set

WASHINGTON, D.C. — President Joseph R. Biden, Jr., who earlier today was sworn in as the 46th President of the United States, shocked Americans by forgoing a Bible and instead affirming his oath of office on a DVD box set of the hit television [read more ... ]

NRA Forced to 3-D Print Cash

FAIRFAX, Va. — In a desperate move to regain financial stability, NRA spokesperson Dana Loesch announced Monday that the NRA would begin 3-D printing its own money. In a January 15th bankruptcy court filing, the organization stated that it was [read more ... ]

Amanda Chase Platform Reduced To Tailgating in Cracker Barrel Parking Lot

CHESTERFIELD, Va. — Following a 60 day suspension from her official Facebook page for her participation in Wednesday’s riot at the Capitol Building in Washington D.C., Sen. Amanda Chase (R-11th) has shifted her outreach platform to tailgating in [read more ... ]

Capitol Police Hope They Weren’t Too Rude To Visiting Protest-Enthusiasts

WASHINGTON — Following a riot that resulted in pro-Trump insurrectionists storming and occupying Capitol Hill, the Capitol Police Department is hopeful that their response to the situation wasn’t too rude or intimidating, sources confirmed [read more ... ]