donald trump

Trump Mistakes Buena Vista for Mexican Town, Tries to Impose Sanctions, Sends ICE Agents

BUENA VISTA, Va. — Laboring under the belief that places with Hispanic-sounding names must be full of illegal immigrants, President Donald Trump has imposed economic sanctions against Buena Vista and has sent a team of Immigration and Customs [read more ... ]

Jeff Sessions Seen Auditioning for Tysons Corner Christmas Elf

TYSONS, Va. — After being forced to resign by President Trump, former Attorney General Jeff Sessions was spotted this week by early Christmas shoppers at Tysons Corner Center trying out to be one of Santa’s helper elves, sources confirmed [read more ... ]

Altria Cigarette Monument Diagnosed With Cancer

RICHMOND, Va. — Altria released a statement today confirming reports that its cigarette monument has been diagnosed with terminal lung cancer. “This is sad news for all of us in the Altria corporate family,” the statement read in part. “We [read more ... ]

Chesterfield County Republican Committee Defies National Party Tradition by Having, Enforcing Behavioral Standards

CHESTERFIELD, Va. — The Chesterfield County Republican Committee sent shockwaves through the political realm yesterday afternoon when it announced its ouster of Senator Amanda Chase (R-Chesterfield) from the local party organization. RELATED [read more ... ]

Amanda Chase Apologizes in Advance for Next Horrible Words and Deeds

RICHMOND, Va. — Claiming that her campaign schedule is becoming more demanding by the day, Virginia Sen. Amanda Chase (R-Chesterfield) gave a heartfelt preemptive apology for the unconscionable things she will undoubtedly say or do in the coming [read more ... ]

GOP Promises Record Number of Thoughts and Prayers to Combat Gun Violence

WASHINGTON — Following the aftermath of yet another tragic school shooting that has left multiple people dead in El Paso, TX, GOP leaders announced their promise to combat the nation’s gun violence epidemic with a record breaking amount of [read more ... ]

Terry McAuliffe Challenges Entire CNN Newsroom to Game of Flip Cup After Chris Cuomo Interview

ATLANTA — Insisting that there would be enough time in the upcoming commercial break for a full game, former Virginia Gov. Terry McAuliffe challenged CNN’s newsroom to a game of flip cup following his appearance on Cuomo Prime Time, sources [read more ... ]

Levar Stoney Opens Lemonade Stand to Raise Money for Public Schools

RICHMOND, Va. — Stating that the idea worked when he was a kid trying to raise enough money for a Razor scooter, sources confirmed that Mayor Levar Stoney opened a lemonade stand on Saturday in an effort to help fund Richmond Public Schools. [read more ... ]

Corey Stewart Found Emptying Bottle of Bourbon Over Jefferson Davis’s Grave in Hollywood Cemetery

RICHMOND, Va. — Responding to a noise complaint at approximately 8 a.m. Saturday, Richmond police discovered former gubernatorial candidate Corey Stewart sobbing while pouring out a bottle of bourbon over Jefferson Davis’s grave in Hollywood [read more ... ]