donald trump

Trump Points to Coal in Stocking as Proof of Virginia Coal Industry Booming

WASHINGTON — Stock prices are expected to soar when trading resumes after President Trump pointed to the vast amounts of coal in his stocking on Christmas morning as definitive proof that Virginia’s coal industry is booming. The President awoke [read more ... ]

People Willing to Share Legal Opinions on Facebook Do Not Know What Impeachment Is

WASHINGTON — President Donald Trump has become the third President in American history to be impeached, resulting in many of our readers sharing extensive, complex legal opinions as to the pros and cons inherent in the process. Unfortunately, [read more ... ]

White House Elf on the Shelf Revealed to be Ukranian Whistleblower

WASHINGTON — After months of anonymity, the whistleblower responsible for an official impeachment inquiry into President Donald Trump revealed themselves this morning via a scribbled note left next to a slightly opened cookie jar in the White [read more ... ]

Trump Mistakes Buena Vista for Mexican Town, Tries to Impose Sanctions, Sends ICE Agents

BUENA VISTA, Va. — Laboring under the belief that places with Hispanic-sounding names must be full of illegal immigrants, President Donald Trump has imposed economic sanctions against Buena Vista and has sent a team of Immigration and Customs [read more ... ]

Jeff Sessions Seen Auditioning for Tysons Corner Christmas Elf

TYSONS, Va. — After being forced to resign by President Trump, former Attorney General Jeff Sessions was spotted this week by early Christmas shoppers at Tysons Corner Center trying out to be one of Santa’s helper elves, sources confirmed [read more ... ]

Altria Cigarette Monument Diagnosed With Cancer

RICHMOND, Va. — Altria released a statement today confirming reports that its cigarette monument has been diagnosed with terminal lung cancer. “This is sad news for all of us in the Altria corporate family,” the statement read in part. “We [read more ... ]

Chesterfield County Republican Committee Defies National Party Tradition by Having, Enforcing Behavioral Standards

CHESTERFIELD, Va. — The Chesterfield County Republican Committee sent shockwaves through the political realm yesterday afternoon when it announced its ouster of Senator Amanda Chase (R-Chesterfield) from the local party organization. RELATED [read more ... ]

Amanda Chase Apologizes in Advance for Next Horrible Words and Deeds

RICHMOND, Va. — Claiming that her campaign schedule is becoming more demanding by the day, Virginia Sen. Amanda Chase (R-Chesterfield) gave a heartfelt preemptive apology for the unconscionable things she will undoubtedly say or do in the coming [read more ... ]

GOP Promises Record Number of Thoughts and Prayers to Combat Gun Violence

WASHINGTON — Following the aftermath of yet another tragic school shooting that has left multiple people dead in El Paso, TX, GOP leaders announced their promise to combat the nation’s gun violence epidemic with a record breaking amount of [read more ... ]