downtown

Levar Stoney Frantically Searches City Hall Closet for Extension Cord for RVA Illuminates

RICHMOND, Va. — Racing against time, Mayor Levar Stoney was seen desperately searching a storage closet in city hall for an extension cord needed for RVA Illuminates, city officials confirmed Friday. “Oh, no. No. No. No,” Stoney told [read more ... ]

Fan Resident Dies of Dysentery During Journey to Wegmans

MIDLOTHIAN, Va. — On Wednesday, five roommates embarked from their home in the Fan to Wegmans in the heart of Midlothian. The team started the journey with optimistic anticipation of what the destination had to offer. “We heard Wegmans was a [read more ... ]

Life-Size Monument of the Richmond Coliseum Proposed on Site of Current Coliseum

RICHMOND, Va. — After constant speculation regarding the future of the Richmond Coliseum, city officials announced Wednesday plans to replace the Coliseum with a life-size monument of the Richmond Coliseum. “Since Richmond is a city filled with [read more ... ]

VCU Chili’s Promises Baby Back Ribs Will Have “20% More Baby” During Restaurant Week

RICHMOND, Va. — In preparation for the increased attention and business during Richmond Restaurant Week, the VCU Chili’s Grill & Bar has announced that it will soon be serving its famous baby back ribs with at least 20% more baby. RELATED [read more ... ]

Suburban Resident Content With Less Than Mediocre Parallel Parking Job

RICHMOND, Va. — As indicated by his simple shrug and quick exit of the scene, it appears that Charlie Wright, a resident of the neighboring Mechanicsville area, is satisfied with his sub-par parallel parking job on 2nd street in Downtown [read more ... ]

City Announces Plan to Begin Construction on Every Road Involved in Your Commute

RICHMOND, Va. — During a press briefing the City of Richmond Department of Public Works announced a new plan to start roadwork on absolutely every street you use to get to your workplace. Starting first thing tomorrow morning, crews will be [read more ... ]

Stomach Churns as Lime Green Parking-Ticket Envelope on Windshield Is Spotted From Two Blocks Away

RICHMOND, Va. — Upon spotting the lime green envelope of a parking ticket on the hood of his vehicle from two blocks away, the stomach of downtown resident Thomas Hale twisted into a painful knot, sources confirmed Monday. “I had just left my [read more ... ]

VDOT to Convert Downtown Expressway Into Closed Loop

RICHMOND, Va. — In an effort to combat the city’s worsening traffic conditions during rush hour commutes, the Virginia Department of Transportation (VDOT) has unveiled plans to convert the Downtown Expressway into a fully enclosed traffic loop. [read more ... ]

Bidding War for Coliseum Renovation Contract to Include Gladiatorial Style Combat

RICHMOND, Va. — A statement released yesterday announced that the competitive bidding war for contracts to renovate the Richmond Coliseum will be resolved through gladiatorial-style combat. When it was first announced that the City of Richmond [read more ... ]