Ellwood Thompson’s

Ellwood Thompson’s Promises Fired Employees Were Recycled

RICHMOND, Va. — After days of silence, Ellwood Thompson’s addressed the controversy surrounding recently-fired employees, assuring customers that despite being terminated, their former workers were recycled. “Our commitment to this planet [read more ... ]

Ellwood Thompson’s Pledges to Offer Only Free Range COVID-19 Vaccine

RICHMOND, Va. —Holding true to their brand of all-natural grocery selections, Ellwood Thompson’s announced that they will be offering a free-range version of the COVID-19 vaccine, once a vaccine actually exists. RELATED (article continued [read more ... ]

UFC Announces Upcoming Fight in Ellwood Thompson’s Parking Lot

RICHMOND, Va. — Speaking in front of an eager crowd at the popular Ellwood Thompson’s supermarket in Richmond’s Museum District, UFC officials announced an exhibition parking lot brawl between two esteemed neighborhood fighters. The grand [read more ... ]

Ellwood Thompson’s Delivery Driver Accidentally Drops Off Weed Stash

CARYTOWN — What was intended to be a routine sandwich delivery run turned to chaos when Chris Lasica, an employee of local health food store Ellwood Thompson’s, mistakenly dropped off his weed stash instead of the hummus wrap that was ordered by [read more ... ]

King of Pops Abdicates Throne Amidst Popsicle Uprising

RICHMOND, Va. — Crowds erupted into cheers outside of the King of Pops’ Scott’s Addition headquarters yesterday afternoon following news that the King of Pops has bowed to the mounting Popsicle Uprising and abdicated his throne. The news [read more ... ]