Fairfax

Arlington Consultant Bro Poor Shamed for Qualifying for Stimulus Relief

ARLINGTON, Va. — News broke today that Brad Starr, a Deloitte consultant in Arlington, may qualified for an additional stimulus relief payment in what co-workers and friends are calling, “a total peasant move, bro.” RELATED (article [read more ... ]

Family Traveling From Fairfax to Richmond Leaves Now to Make It in Time for Christmas

FAIRFAX, Va. — Determined to make it to her mother’s house in Richmond by Christmas morning, Lydia Manderson and her family are leaving their Fairfax County home right now, sources confirmed Sunday. RELATED (article continued below): Ghost of [read more ... ]

“Actually, Nothing Really Happens at Bunny Man Bridge on Halloween” Says Guy Who Just Fucking Got Here

FAIRFAX, Va. — Casually explaining the urban legends to people who likely already know the truth, Christopher Doyle, a new resident of Fairfax, clarified that nothing really happens at Bunny Man Bridge on Halloween, sources confirmed Tuesday. [read more ... ]

Op-Ed: I Used to Think Gentrification Was a Bad Thing, Then I Tried Korean BBQ Tacos With an IPA

I know Richmond is growing, and is becoming a “hip” place to live. And the city is becoming more expensive as it grows. I moved here from Fairfax a few years ago when I got a job at a startup in the Bottom. Since then, I’ve seen the cost of [read more ... ]

Zillow Now Advertising Nuclear Blast Radius in Northern Virginia Listings

ARLINGTON, Va. — Touting a new feature that will bring neighborhood safety and security to the next level, popular home purchasing app Zillow will begin disclosing where Northern Virginia houses fall in the event of a nuclear attack on the [read more ... ]

Drunk Terry McAuliffe Seen Running Down the Street Making Airplane Noises

MCLEAN, Va. — A heavily intoxicated Terry McAuliffe was spotted yesterday running down Balls Hill Road in a zigzag pattern while making airplane noises, sources reported. Witnesses said that the former governor held up traffic as he made several [read more ... ]

Manassas Resident Really Stretching Definition of D.C. Area

MANASSAS, Va. — Emphasizing that his hometown lies only a few minutes away from the nation’s capitol, Manassas resident Jacob Rich is really stretching the definition of the D.C. area, sources confirmed Sunday. Rich was recently seen in a [read more ... ]

VDOT Announces Initiative to Aimlessly Move Construction Equipment From One Side of I-495 to the Other

FAIRFAX, Va. — In their latest upkeep effort for the commonwealth’s roads, the Virginia Department of Transportation (VDOT) announced that it will aimlessly move construction equipment from one side of the I-495 beltway to the other, sources [read more ... ]

Tysons Corner Parking Garage Standoff Hits Hour 92

TYSONS CORNER, Va. — In the madness of the Christmas shopping rush, a standoff between drivers for a parking space in Tysons Corner Parking Garage C has hit its 92nd hour, officials confirmed Saturday. RELATED (article related below): Our online [read more ... ]