flying squirrels

Report: Majority of Richmond Willing to Sacrifice Nutzy in Satanic Ritual in Order To Save Kitchen 64

RICHMOND, Va. — Stressing that the landmark restaurant is worth fighting for at all costs, a recent report has found that a vast majority of Richmond residents would be willing to sacrifice Flying Squirrels mascot Nutzy to save Kitchen 64 from [read more ... ]

EPA Discovers Nutzy’s Love Nest on Mayo Island

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Northam Appoints Nutzy With Vaccine T-Shirt Cannon To Head Vaccination Effort

RICHMOND, Va. — In an effort to speed the process of vaccinating Virginians against COVID-19, Gov. Ralph Northam has appointed the Richmond Flying Squirrels mascot, Nutzy, to grab a t-shirt cannon and take charge of the state’s vaccination [read more ... ]

“Sure Is Humid Here, Huh?” Says Guy Who Just Fucking Got Here

RICHMOND, Va. — Bernie McGraw, just off the plane from Syracuse, New York, shocked no one yesterday with his assessment of Richmond weather. Brunch Patron Unsure Of Different Fried Egg Styles Midlothian Man Tired of Hearing What His Coworker [read more ... ]

Flying Squirrels to Offer Free Keg to Anyone Staying After the Third Inning

RICHMOND, Va. — In an effort to keep attendance strong through the last pitch, the Flying Squirrels announced plans to offer a free keg of beer to anyone willing to stay at home games past the third inning. The decision to offer free booze as an [read more ... ]

Annual Monster Truck Rally to Be Relocated to Altria Theater During Coliseum Renovation

RICHMOND, Va. — With the Richmond Coliseum scheduled to be rebuilt over the coming year many of Richmond’s most popular annual events have been forced to find new homes. Perhaps the most difficult of these relocations was for the yearly monster [read more ... ]

Richmond Flying Squirrels Added To Endangered Species Watchlist

RICHMOND, Va. — In a shocking statement released this morning, the World Wildlife Fund (WWF) announced that the Richmond Flying Squirrels have been upgraded from “threatened” to “endangered” on the International Endangered Species [read more ... ]