George Mason University

New Research Reveals That Absolutely Nobody in Virginia Should Drive in Snow

FAIRFAX, Va. — A new study conducted by researchers at George Mason University has unveiled that Virginia citizens should never be allowed to drive in the snow, regardless of circumstance. RELATED (article continued below): WxRisk Says Don’t [read more ... ]

GMU Freshman with 500+ Connections on LinkedIn Thinks He’s Some Kind of Big Shot

FAIRFAX, Va — In a probably unprecedented turn of events, GMU freshman Austin Wilson revealed today that he has hit over 500 connections on his LinkedIn profile. “I got 500 plus connections on LinkedIn,” Wilson yelled, gleefully yet [read more ... ]

William and Mary Campus Police Issue Warning: Line to Enter Swem Library Currently Seven Miles Long

WILLIAMSBURG, Va. — Due to the immense demand for entry to Swem Library during the first week of the spring semester, the William and Mary campus police have just sent out an alert warning that the line to get in is approximately seven miles long. [read more ... ]

Future President of United States Currently Puking Behind a Dumpster in Georgetown

WASHINGTON — Leaning over a festering garbage bag full of expired foie gras and duck confit, Georgetown swim team captain and future president of the United States Travis Bellington is currently heaving his ever-loving guts out, according to [read more ... ]

“Well, Can’t Be Worse Than Last Year,” Says JMU Basketball Coach Louis Rowe

HARRISONBURG, Va. — Coming off a disappointing 10-22 season, Louis Rowe, head coach of JMU’s men’s basketball team, is optimistic for the sole reason that expectations could not be lower. Citing scheming issues and the fact that a few teams on [read more ... ]

Virginia Tech Football Fan Claims This Is Their Year for 12th Year in a Row

RICHMOND, Va. — To the shock of exactly none of his friends, Todd Lawrence insisted for the twelfth year in a row that Virginia Tech is sure to win a national football championship. Lawrence made his bold proclamation after slamming back his ninth [read more ... ]

VCU to Offer Ark Building Concentration in Light of Climate Change

RICHMOND, Va. — In an effort to prepare future generations for the impending threat of catastrophic weather phenomena associated with climate change, Virginia Commonwealth University (VCU) will now offer students a series of classes in ark [read more ... ]

“That’s It, Math Is Out,” ODU Refuses to Increase Tuition

NORFOLK, Va. — In a sincere and calculated move to help lower costs for students, Old Dominion University announced Monday the immediate expulsion of all math courses and majors from its degree programs. This stunning move enables the [read more ... ]

Local Shop Sells Out of Bob Marley, Boondock Saints Posters as Virginia Tech Students Arrive

BLACKSBURG, Va. — Following the massive influx of freshmen arriving on the Virginia Tech campus, local shop Nice Dreams announced today that they’ve completely run out of Bob Marley and Boondock Saints posters, which they offer in addition to [read more ... ]