James Madison University

GMU Freshman with 500+ Connections on LinkedIn Thinks He’s Some Kind of Big Shot

FAIRFAX, Va — In a probably unprecedented turn of events, GMU freshman Austin Wilson revealed today that he has hit over 500 connections on his LinkedIn profile. “I got 500 plus connections on LinkedIn,” Wilson yelled, gleefully yet [read more ... ]

William and Mary Campus Police Issue Warning: Line to Enter Swem Library Currently Seven Miles Long

WILLIAMSBURG, Va. — Due to the immense demand for entry to Swem Library during the first week of the spring semester, the William and Mary campus police have just sent out an alert warning that the line to get in is approximately seven miles long. [read more ... ]

UVA Student in Search of Fresh New Monocle Ahead of Fall Semester

CHARLOTTESVILLE, Va. — After a tumultuous first year at the University of Virginia, rising sophomore Samuel Wilkerson has decided to turn things around and start fresh in the fall with the help of a brand new monocle. “When I first arrived at [read more ... ]

Virginia Tech Student Recovering After Body Rejects Liver of UVA Grad

CHARLOTTESVILLE, Va. — Virginia Tech student, Bradley Simmons, is in recovery after experiencing a series of severe medical complications arising from a recent liver transplant from a University of Virginia graduate, sources confirmed Monday. [read more ... ]

Study Finds 73 Percent of JMU Students Are Just People Planning to Transfer to UVA

HARRISONBURG, Va. — Not every James Madison University (JMU) student is in it for the long haul. A 14-month study, conducted by the JMU Office of the Registrar, uncovered that 73 percent of students only attended the university because they were [read more ... ]

Future President of United States Currently Puking Behind a Dumpster in Georgetown

WASHINGTON — Leaning over a festering garbage bag full of expired foie gras and duck confit, Georgetown swim team captain and future president of the United States Travis Bellington is currently heaving his ever-loving guts out, according to [read more ... ]

Liberty University Overlooks Hebrews 13:4 in Exchange for Strong Option Offense

LYNCHBURG, Va. — Prioritizing the advancement of the school’s football program, Liberty University announced that they were willing to overlook Hebrews 13:4 in order to hire former Mississippi coach Hugh Freeze to lead the Liberty Flames, [read more ... ]

“Well, Can’t Be Worse Than Last Year,” Says JMU Basketball Coach Louis Rowe

HARRISONBURG, Va. — Coming off a disappointing 10-22 season, Louis Rowe, head coach of JMU’s men’s basketball team, is optimistic for the sole reason that expectations could not be lower. Citing scheming issues and the fact that a few teams on [read more ... ]

Virginia Tech Football Fan Claims This Is Their Year for 12th Year in a Row

RICHMOND, Va. — To the shock of exactly none of his friends, Todd Lawrence insisted for the twelfth year in a row that Virginia Tech is sure to win a national football championship. Lawrence made his bold proclamation after slamming back his ninth [read more ... ]