joe morrissey

Trump Points to Coal in Stocking as Proof of Virginia Coal Industry Booming

WASHINGTON — Stock prices are expected to soar when trading resumes after President Trump pointed to the vast amounts of coal in his stocking on Christmas morning as definitive proof that Virginia’s coal industry is booming. The President awoke [read more ... ]

Joe Morrissey Outed as Mall Santa

RICHMOND, Va. — Former lawyer and Richmond mayoral candidate Joe Morrissey was outed yesterday while moonlighting one of the Santas at Short Pump Town Center. RELATED (article continued below): Don’t want to go to a mall for your last [read more ... ]

Joe Morrissey Spotted in Voting Line With Brown Paper Bag Over His Head

HENRICO, Va. — Two years after his unsuccessful campaign as an independent candidate in Richmond’s 2016 mayoral election, lawyer Joe Morrissey was seen standing in line at his voting precinct wearing a brown paper bag over his head, witnesses [read more ... ]

“Who’s Running in This Bitch Again?” Asks Shitfaced Terry McAuliffe in Voting Line on Election Day

RICHMOND, Va. — Reeking of various craft beers, a heavily intoxicated former Gov. Terry McAuliffe loudly yelled for someone to tell him who was running in the election, sources confirmed Tuesday. According to accounts, the former governor arrived [read more ... ]

Spanberger Campaign Uncovers Brat’s History of Teaching at White Privilege High

GLEN ALLEN, Va. — In an explosive new television ad that began airing yesterday in Virginia’s 7th Congressional District, the campaign of Abigail Spanberger claims to have evidence showing her opponent, Dave Brat, was once a part-time teacher at [read more ... ]

Northam Reduces Capitol Security by Sitting in Rocking Chair on Porch With Shotgun Over Shoulder

RICHMOND, Va. — Citing the importance of keeping under the fiscal budget, Gov. Ralph Northam plans to reduce nightly security around the Capitol and instead protect the Executive Mansion himself by sitting on the front porch in his rocking chair [read more ... ]

The Red Hen Refuses to Bake Republican Wedding Cakes

LEXINGTON, Va. — After a week of controversy surrounding their decision to kick out White House Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders, the Red Hen restaurant has now determined that it will refuse to bake any and all future wedding cakes intended [read more ... ]

Trump Drafts Chincoteague Ponies to Form First Space Cavalry

ACCOMACK, Va. — Following a surprise statement earlier this week confirming that the United States would soon have a new branch of the military called the “Space Force,” President Donald Trump made headlines once again by revealing that the [read more ... ]

Joe Morrissey Hired as President Trump’s New Personal Counsel

WASHINGTON — Breaking news from the White House as recently disbarred, and not as recently disgraced, Richmond attorney Joe Morrissey has been introduced as President Trump’s new personal counsel. Citing Morrissey’s storied experience with [read more ... ]