joe morrissey

Fodder for President Trump’s Twitter Feed Retakes Virginia Senate

RICHMOND, Va. — After a grueling campaign season, the Democrats of Virginia successfully elected new targets to provide plenty of fodder for President Trump’s Twitter feed, the results confirmed Tuesday evening. “It was a big fight that took [read more ... ]

“Who’s Running in This Bitch Again?” Asks Shitfaced Terry McAuliffe in Voting Line on Election Day

RICHMOND, Va. — Reeking of various craft beers, a heavily intoxicated former Gov. Terry McAuliffe loudly yelled for someone to tell him who was running in the election, sources confirmed Tuesday. According to accounts, the former governor arrived [read more ... ]

“Ready to Vote Today, Cowboy?” Reads Monday Morning Text Sent From Drunk Terry McAuliffe to Joe Morrissey

RICHMOND, Va. — As both an act of challenge and a friendly reminder, former Virginia Gov. Terry McAuliffe texted state senate candidate Joe Morrissey while heavily intoxicated asking if he was ready to vote today, sources confirmed Monday. [read more ... ]

Richmond City Council Passes Resolution to Argue More Next Week

RICHMOND, Va. — It was announced this morning that the Richmond City Council successfully passed a resolution granting an immediate continuance to argue more in the coming week. The resolution passed with a rare unanimous vote and came just as the [read more ... ]

Joe Morrissey Vows To Lower Voting Age From 18 to 17

On the heels of his recent Democratic primary win for Virginia’s 16th state senate district, former delegate Joe Morrissey announced that, if elected to the Virginia Senate, he vows to lower the voting age from 18 to 17. The proposal, which [read more ... ]

Poll Finds Joe Morrissey Only Second Most Annoying Morrissey

RICHMOND, Va. — According to the annual Morrissey Annoyance Index released by the University of Richmond’s Department of Sociology & Anthropology, “Fightin’” Joe Morrissey remains only the second most annoying Morrissey on record, [read more ... ]

Trump Points to Coal in Stocking as Proof of Virginia Coal Industry Booming

WASHINGTON — Stock prices are expected to soar when trading resumes after President Trump pointed to the vast amounts of coal in his stocking on Christmas morning as definitive proof that Virginia’s coal industry is booming. The President awoke [read more ... ]

Joe Morrissey Outed as Mall Santa

RICHMOND, Va. — Former lawyer and Richmond mayoral candidate Joe Morrissey was outed yesterday while moonlighting one of the Santas at Short Pump Town Center. RELATED (article continued below): Don’t want to go to a mall for your last [read more ... ]

Joe Morrissey Spotted in Voting Line With Brown Paper Bag Over His Head

HENRICO, Va. — Two years after his unsuccessful campaign as an independent candidate in Richmond’s 2016 mayoral election, lawyer Joe Morrissey was seen standing in line at his voting precinct wearing a brown paper bag over his head, witnesses [read more ... ]