joe morrissey

Virginia General Assembly Relocated 500 Feet Away From School Tours to Accommodate Joe Morrissey

RICHMOND, Va. — Members of the Virginia General Assembly were forced to relocate on the first day of the 2020 legislative session because the presence of Sen. Joe Morrisey conflicted with a pre-planned tour of high school students, sources [read more ... ]

Trump Points to Coal in Stocking as Proof of Virginia Coal Industry Booming

WASHINGTON — Stock prices are expected to soar when trading resumes after President Trump pointed to the vast amounts of coal in his stocking on Christmas morning as definitive proof that Virginia’s coal industry is booming. The President awoke [read more ... ]

McAullife: “This is the worst hangover I’ve had since my 2014 inauguration”

RICHMOND, Va. — Following former Vice President Joe Biden’s triumphant victory in the 2020 Presidential Election, former Gov. Terry McAullife announced this morning that he is suffering from his worst hangover in years. “Man, we cracked [read more ... ]

Wait for Election Results Almost Old Enough To Date Joe Morrissey

LAS VEGAS — As days pass after the election, the wait for the much-anticipated presidential election results is almost old enough to date Virginia Rep. Joe Morrissey, D-16th, officials confirmed Thursday. RELATED (article continued below): [read more ... ]

Joe Morrissey Spotted in Voting Line With Brown Paper Bag Over His Head

HENRICO, Va. — Four years after his unsuccessful campaign as an independent candidate in Richmond’s 2016 mayoral election, Rep. Joe Morrissey (D-16th) was seen standing in line at his voting precinct wearing a brown paper bag over his head, [read more ... ]

“Who’s Running in This Bitch Again?” Asks Shitfaced Terry McAuliffe in Voting Line on Election Day

RICHMOND, Va. — Reeking of various craft beers, a heavily intoxicated former Gov. Terry McAuliffe loudly yelled for someone to tell him who was running in the election, sources confirmed Tuesday. RELATED (article continued below): Terry McAuliffe [read more ... ]

Op-Ed: Isn’t Kim Gray a Little Old for Morrissey To Get Behind?

Earlier this week, Rep. Joe Morrissey, D-16th, a politician, businessman, former lawyer, and guy who brandished an AK-47 on the floor of the House of Delegates, announced his official endorsement of Councilwoman Kim Gray in Richmond’s mayoral [read more ... ]

Breaking: Politicians Can’t Decide if You’re Better off Dead, or Jobless and Then Dead

RICHMOND, Va. — In an emergency meeting of the General Assembly, politicians from across the commonwealth gathered to settle a pressing question in the midst of the current pandemic: Are you better off dead, or jobless and then dead? [read more ... ]

Trump Drafts Chincoteague Ponies to Form First Space Cavalry

ACCOMACK, Va. — Following a surprise statement earlier this week confirming that the United States would soon have a new branch of the military called the “Space Force,” President Donald Trump made headlines once again by revealing that the [read more ... ]