Report: Everyone Still Hates Justin Fairfax
Justin Fairfax
Virginia Pretty Sure Racism Is Finally Over After Learning Lesson From Blackface Scandals
RICHMOND, Va. — Reassuring themselves that all future problems regarding race have now been solved, all 8.52 million residents of Virginia feel confident that racism is finally over following the blackface scandals involving Gov. Ralph Northam and [read more ... ]
House Speaker Kirk Cox Frantically Admits Regretful Decision to Wear Ron Paul ‘88 Shirt During His 30s
RICHMOND, Va. — Saying that his decision to wear the outfit was very regrettable and seemed harmless at the time, House Speaker Kirk Cox has admitted to wearing a shirt supporting Ron Paul during the 1988 presidential election, officials confirmed [read more ... ]
State Capitol Janitor Frank Surprised to Find He’s Virginia’s New Governor
RICHMOND, Va. — Explaining that he had no idea he was even in the line of succession to become the leader of the Commonwealth, Frank Donahue, the State Capitol’s head janitor, arrived at work to discover that he was now Virginia’s governor, [read more ... ]
Ralph Northam Defending Himself, Uses Justin Fairfax to Prove He Has Black Friends
RICHMOND, Va — After an image from his college yearbook page depicting a man dressed in KKK attire and a man in blackface came to light on Friday, Virginia Gov. Ralph Northam would like to remind Virginians that he is friends with Lt. Gov. Justin [read more ... ]
Fairfax Seen Running out of Executive Mansion With Jar to Catch Lightning Bugs
RICHMOND, Va. — Remarking on his excitement about all the glowy things flying around in the front yard of the Executive Mansion, Lt. Gov. Justin Fairfax was seen running outside with a jar to catch lightning bugs, sources confirmed Friday. “I [read more ... ]
Northam Visits Every Elementary School to Check Children for Head Lice
WAYNESBORO, Va. — Stressing the importance of the Commonwealth’s youth maintaining a healthy and hygienic lifestyle, Gov. Ralph Northam continued his tour of the state today with visits to local elementary schools to personally check all of the [read more ... ]
