Lynchburg

In Public Apology, Falwell Cites Obscure Scripture Where Joseph Asks Stable Boy To Rail Mary

LYNCHBURG, Va. — Explaining that the verbiage fell in a gospel no one has ever heard of, former Liberty University (LU) president Jerry Falwell Jr. referred to a piece of scripture where Joseph asks a stable boy to rail the Virgin Mary during a [read more ... ]

James River Decides to Flow West for the Weekend

RICHMOND, Va. — The James River Association announced today that the James River, locally known as Big Jimmy, will take a three-day weekend this spring and alter its course to flow west. RELATED (article continued below): Support local journalism [read more ... ]

Jerry Falwell Jr. Asked To Keep Hands Above Table During Resignation Meetings

LYNCHBURG, Va. — Explaining that the request was merely a formality, Liberty University president Jerry Falwell Jr. has been asked to keep his hands above the table and in plain view during meetings regarding his resignation following revelations [read more ... ]

Proposal to Rename Lynchburg “Burgburg” Reaches State Committee

LYNCHBURG, Va. — Despite being named for founder and abolitionist John Lynch, a proposal to rename Lynchburg “Burgburg” has made its way to a state committee and may soon become official. RELATED (article continued below): Ballenger [read more ... ]

Liberty Announces Opening of Jerry Falwell Memorial Coal Mine

LYNCHBURG, Va. — Liberty University announced today the opening of a new coal mine in honor of their founder, Jerry Falwell Sr. RELATED (article continued below): Study Finds 73 Percent of JMU Students Are Just People Planning to Transfer to UVA [read more ... ]

Liberty University Student Arrested for Organizing Gathering of More Than Ten Apostles

LYNCHBURG, Va. — After weeks of bad press following Liberty University President Jerry Falwell, Jr.’s lackluster response to the coronavirus pandemic, the Lynchburg Police Department announced today it had arrested a student for allegedly [read more ... ]

Falwell Offers Liberty Students a Chance to Meet Jesus by the End of the Semester

LYNCHBURG, Va. — Following the decision to allow students to remain on campus during the ongoing COVID-19 pandemic, Liberty University is giving students a chance to meet Jesus Christ by the end of the semester, the school announced Wednesday. [read more ... ]

Young Couple Unable to Reach Climax, Virginia

WHEREABOUTS UNKNOWN, Va. — During what was supposed to be a short weekend getaway, a new couple has found themselves in the unenviable and yet all too common predicament of being unable to reach Climax, Virginia. RELATED (article continued [read more ... ]

Opossum Not Hit by Car on Route 29, Six More Weeks of Unpredictable Weather

ALTAVISTA, Va. — Al the Altavista Opossum, Virginia’s own marsupial meteorologist, did not die on the side of the Route 29 today, meaning that Virginians can look forward to six more weeks of completely unpredictable weather. RELATED (article [read more ... ]