Mechanicsville

Mechanicsville Pledges War on Nation if Trump Is Arrested

MECHANICSVILLE, Va. — Warning of what they describe as a full-scale offensive to preserve American freedom, the entire town of Mechanicsville has promised a war with the rest of the nation in the event former President Trump is arrested in the [read more ... ]

Hanover County Public Schools Vote To Abolish June 19th From Calendar

HANOVER, Va. — Citing the U.S. Senate’s decision to recognize Juneteenth as a national holiday as a travesty that affects the commonwealth’s rich history, Hanover County Public Schools has voted to officially abolish June 19th from the [read more ... ]

Jason Mraz Thanks Virginia’s Frontline Personnel by Promising Not to Sing Anything

OCEANSIDE, Calif. — In a move that’s been called “inspiring,” “brave,” and “exactly what we need right now,” singer Jason Mraz has agreed not to perform any of his music for front line workers in the commonwealth, the artist [read more ... ]

Guy Who Spent Seven Minutes on Civil War Wikipedia Page Ready to Get Into It in the Comments Section

MECHANICSVILLE, Va. — After spending a total of seven minutes on Wikipedia researching the Civil War, Mechanicsville resident Martin Clark felt prepared to go off in the comments section of a Richmond Times-Dispatch Facebook post, sources [read more ... ]

Gadsden Flag Snake Tests Positive for COVID-19

MECHANICSVILLE, Va. — After calling the world’s reaction to the virus an “an attack on the freedoms our forefathers fought to preserve,” the iconic snake in the Don’t Tread on Me Gadsden flag has tested positive for COVID-19, sources [read more ... ]

Northam Declares Mechanicsville a Safe Space for Distraught Republicans Following Biden Victory

MECHANICSVILLE, Va. — In an effort to care for those struggling with the news of Vice President Joe Biden’s election as the 46th President of the United States, Gov. Ralph Northam declared Saturday that Mechanicsville would become a designated [read more ... ]

Stoney: Stop Asking Me to Name a School After Jason Mraz

RICHMOND, Va. — Mayor Levar Stoney issued a statement earlier today saying he will no longer entertain the idea of naming a school after famous Richmonder Jason Mraz. RELATED (article continued below): Castleburg Brewery and Taproom offers [read more ... ]

Nikki-Dee Ray Leading in Key “Your Dad” Demographic, Much to Mom’s Chagrin

RICHMOND, Va. — Audience measurement systems have noticed an interesting trend among those who view Richmond’s televised local news. “We’ve noticed that married men with children, roughly aged between 40 and 70, what we call the ‘your [read more ... ]

Conservative Wants to Make Left Turn, Decides That’s a Good Enough Reason to Remove Monuments

RICHMOND, Va. — Mechanicsville resident Jimmy Davis recently disclosed that, despite his previous beliefs, he is now open to removing the monuments on Monument Avenue in order to make driving on the road more manageable. Davis, a roofer by trade, [read more ... ]