monument avenue

Doctor Confirms Participant in Richmond Marathon Still Going to Die One Day

RICHMOND, Va. — Explaining that his healthy nature and superior endurance ultimately mean nothing, local doctors announced today that Anthem Richmond Marathon participant Christopher Locklear will still eventually die. Dr. Sharon Dorner, a [read more ... ]

Monument Avenue Millionaire Hands out Full-Sized Candy Bars Like Some Kind of Big Shot

RICHMOND, Va. — On All Hallows’ Eve, eleventh-generation Richmonder Edward Bellingham didn’t skimp on the sweet treats and reportedly handed out nothing but the good stuff all night long. A wealthy resident of Monument Avenue, Bellingham [read more ... ]

Guy Who Spent Seven Minutes on Civil War Wikipedia Page Ready to Get Into It in the Comments Section

MECHANICSVILLE, Va. — After spending a total of seven minutes on Wikipedia researching the Civil War, Mechanicsville resident Martin Clark felt prepared to go off in the comments section of a Richmond Times-Dispatch Facebook post, sources [read more ... ]

Conservative Wants to Make Left Turn, Decides That’s a Good Enough Reason to Remove Monuments

RICHMOND, Va. — Mechanicsville resident Jimmy Davis recently disclosed that, despite his previous beliefs, he is now open to removing the monuments on Monument Avenue in order to make driving on the road more manageable. Davis, a roofer by trade, [read more ... ]

Life-Size Monument of the Richmond Coliseum Proposed on Site of Current Coliseum

RICHMOND, Va. — After constant speculation regarding the future of the Richmond Coliseum, city officials announced Wednesday plans to replace the Coliseum with a life-size monument of the Richmond Coliseum. “Since Richmond is a city filled with [read more ... ]

Op-ed: I’m a Monument Avenue Purebred and You Play Cornhole Where I Shit

Hey you. Yeah, you. Just who do you think you are? I may just look like an innocent purebred with perfect lineage I can trace back 14 generations, but I’ve got something to say to you. Every year, as spring slowly transitions into summer, you [read more ... ]

Commuters Rejoice as Mayor Stoney Declares One Day Confinement of Monument Avenue Joggers

RICHMOND, Va. — In a remarkable overreach of mayoral power, Richmond Mayor Levar Stoney announced that Wednesday, September 19th will be the inaugural Monument Avenue Jogger Confinement Day. Claiming that the city’s commuters are in need of a [read more ... ]

Marathon Runner Realizes Halfway Through Course That It’s Not Worth the Social Media Post

RICHMOND, Va. — Gasping for breath on the course’s sidelines, Museum District resident and self-described social media influencer Tiffany Peters came to the conclusion that running the Richmond Marathon wasn’t worth the social media exposure, [read more ... ]

Corey Stewart Found Emptying Bottle of Bourbon Over Jefferson Davis’s Grave in Hollywood Cemetery

RICHMOND, Va. — Responding to a noise complaint at approximately 8 a.m. Saturday, Richmond police discovered former gubernatorial candidate Corey Stewart sobbing while pouring out a bottle of bourbon over Jefferson Davis’s grave in Hollywood [read more ... ]