Newport News

Norfolk to Turn Aging Waterfront Property Into Industrial Wasteland

NORFOLK, Va — In order to preserve the historic character of its downtown, Norfolk City Council officials revealed plans to transform parts of the city’s dilapidated waterfront into an industrial wasteland. Officials call the strategy, developed [read more ... ]

Virginia Beach Resident Who Regularly Leaves Six-Pack Rings on Beach Upset Turbines Might Kill Birds

VIRGINIA BEACH, Va. — Claiming they will be extraordinarily hazardous to the environment, Virginia Beach resident Shelly Allen, who routinely leaves plastic trash along the beachfront, has launched a protest against the offshore turbines scheduled [read more ... ]

Portsmouth Working to Become “Smart City,” Upgrading From Netscape

PORTSMOUTH, Va. — Stressing the importance of keeping up with technology in a digital age, Portsmouth city officials announced plans to upgrade the citywide internet browser from Netscape to a more modern browser. According to Micah Brookerson, a [read more ... ]

Virginia Beach Holds Public Forum to Determine if It’s Worth Saving in Event of Sea Level Rise

VIRGINIA BEACH, Va. ― At 6 p.m. Sunday, officials gathered at Ocean Lakes High School to consider the effects of sea level rise on Virginia Beach in an effort to determine once and for all if Virginia’s most populous city is worth saving. Mayor [read more ... ]

Man Murders Colonial Williamsburg Reenactor: “I thought this was Westworld”

WILLIAMSBURG, Va. — Colonial Williamsburg historical interpreter George Mandel was murdered today by tourist Jim Anderson after Anderson mistook him for a human-like android working in a historical amusement park, similar to the HBO television [read more ... ]

New Evidence Suggests 2009 the Year When Hampton Roads Drivers Collectively Stopped Using Turn Signals

NORFOLK, Va. — Citing factors such as complete stupidity and sheer laziness, a new study commissioned by the Virginia Department of Transportation (VDOT) revealed that 2009 was the year when Hampton Roads drivers stopped using their turn signals. [read more ... ]

The Eastern Shore: Is It There? The Peedmont Investigates

DELTAVILLE, Va. — Since its inception, Virginia has claimed to have two parts: the stoic mainland and the mysterious Eastern Shore. Accessible from the mainland only by watercraft, a single 20-mile bridge-tunnel from Norfolk, or by navigating [read more ... ]

Norfolk’s Only Snowplow Guy Absolutely Thrilled for Coming Storm

NORFOLK, Va. — As the city prepares for inclement weather, Jerry Walters, the operator of Norfolk’s one and only snowplow, announced today that he is more than ready for the imminent snowstorm. “There ain’t nothing this rig can’t [read more ... ]