Newport News

Portsmouth Working to Become “Smart City,” Upgrading From Netscape

PORTSMOUTH, Va. — Stressing the importance of keeping up with technology in a digital age, Portsmouth city officials announced plans to upgrade the citywide internet browser from Netscape to a more modern browser. According to Micah Brookerson, a [read more ... ]

Op-ed: That Law That Prohibits Cursing on the Virginia Beach Boardwalk Is Fucking Bullshit

If you’re a true Virginian who hits the luscious shores of Virginia Beach every other weekend during the summer months, then chances are you’re familiar with one of the state’s most unique laws. The law loosely states that no cursing or swear [read more ... ]

“Did you know that the moonshine in ABC stores is fake?” Says Guy Who Just Fucking Got Here

RICHMOND, Va. — During a recent work happy hour, North Carolina native Steven McComas, who just fucking got here, informed his co-workers that the moonshine sold in ABC stores is actually fake. McComas, who relocated from Raleigh for a job at [read more ... ]

Virginia Beach Holds Public Forum to Determine if It’s Worth Saving in Event of Sea Level Rise

VIRGINIA BEACH, Va. ― At 6 p.m. Sunday, officials gathered at Ocean Lakes High School to consider the effects of sea level rise on Virginia Beach in an effort to determine once and for all if Virginia’s most populous city is worth saving. Mayor [read more ... ]

Man Murders Colonial Williamsburg Reenactor: “I thought this was Westworld”

WILLIAMSBURG, Va. — Colonial Williamsburg historical interpreter George Mandel was murdered today by tourist Jim Anderson after Anderson mistook him for a human-like android working in a historical amusement park, similar to the HBO television [read more ... ]

New Evidence Suggests 2009 the Year When Hampton Roads Drivers Collectively Stopped Using Turn Signals

NORFOLK, Va. — Citing factors such as complete stupidity and sheer laziness, a new study commissioned by the Virginia Department of Transportation (VDOT) revealed that 2009 was the year when Hampton Roads drivers stopped using their turn signals. [read more ... ]

The Eastern Shore: Is It There? The Peedmont Investigates

DELTAVILLE, Va. — Since its inception, Virginia has claimed to have two parts: the stoic mainland and the mysterious Eastern Shore. Accessible from the mainland only by watercraft, a single 20-mile bridge-tunnel from Norfolk, or by navigating [read more ... ]

Norfolk’s Only Snowplow Guy Absolutely Thrilled for Coming Storm

NORFOLK, Va. — As the city prepares for inclement weather, Jerry Walters, the operator of Norfolk’s one and only snowplow, announced today that he is more than ready for the imminent snowstorm. “There ain’t nothing this rig can’t [read more ... ]