Petersburg

Petersburg Offers to Demolish Itself to Host 2021 Summer Olympics

PETERSBURG, Va. — Following news that Tokyo may not be ready to host the 2021 Summer Olympics due to public health concerns, Petersburg has preemptively offered to demolish every building within city limits in a bid to host the global sporting [read more ... ]

VDOT Study Finds Squirrel Level Road Lacking Requisite Number of Squirrels

PETERSBURG, Va. — A recent VDOT study has uncovered that Squirrel Level Road in Petersburg lacks the requisite number of squirrels mandated by state policy to maintain its name. The Dinwiddie County byway, famous for alerting drivers that their [read more ... ]

Is This Man the New Seal of Virginia?

RICHMOND, Va. — In recent months, the United States has been consumed by a fervor of discussion and action centering on revisiting, revising, and in certain cases replacing some of the nation’s oldest historical landmarks and traditions. As [read more ... ]

Health Concerns Emerge as Teens Use Chesterfield Factory Smog to Get High

CHESTERFIELD, Va. — A new trend of teens using smog from the Chesterfield Power Station to get high has raised concerns throughout the Richmond metropolitan area. The sensation, dubbed “Chesterbasing,” recently became popular among the [read more ... ]

“Stranger Things” Creators Discover the Upside Down Is Actually Hopewell

HOPEWELL, Va. — During a cross-country trip to various comic-cons to promote the second season of the hit Netflix show “Stranger Things,” creators Matt and Ross Duffer were stunned to discover that the Upside Down actually exists in the town [read more ... ]

Northam Hires Marie Kondo to Tidy up Hopewell

HOPEWELL, Va. — In an effort to tidy up the city and rediscover the joy that hasn’t been seen since most of the factories shut down, organizing consultant Marie Kondo has been retained by Gov. Ralph Northam to lend her services to Hopewell. [read more ... ]

Trend in Baby Goat Snuggling Sparks Retaliation From Puppies

ALBEMARLE, Va. — Following the success and popularity of goat snuggling at Caromont Farm in Albemarle County, outrage has struck the state’s puppy community, who claims that their practice of affectionate cuddling is now seriously threatened. [read more ... ]

Charlottesville Resident Drives 70 Miles to Use Buy One, Get One Free Dippy Deal at Saladworks

CHARLOTTESVILLE, Va. — Following the discovery of an enticing bargain, sources recently confirmed that a Charlottesville resident drove over 70 miles to use a discount from coupon company Dippy Deals at a Saladworks restaurant in Richmond. The [read more ... ]

Confederate Reenactment Group Hoping to Win Battle of Petersburg This Year

PETERSBURG, Va. — Ramping up for another exciting theatrical Civil War battle reenactment, members of the Confederate troupe, the Richmond Rebels, are determined to finally win the Third Battle of Petersburg this year. “Every April we get our [read more ... ]