publix

Chicken Bones on Sidewalks Expected To Increase 400% Following Ukrop’s Market Hall Opening

RICHMOND, Va. — Virginia Commonwealth University’s School of Fried Chicken (VCUSFC) issued a recent warning to exercise caution when walking around the city, as their culinary researchers anticipate a 400% increase in discarded chicken bones on [read more ... ]

Norfolk Resident Considering Dealing With HRBT Traffic for a Trip to Publix

NORFOLK, Va. — Weighing the pros and cons of a trip to Williamsburg for a premier grocery store, Norfolk resident Larry Hughes is considering dealing with the notorious Hampton Roads Bridge-Tunnel traffic for a trip to Publix, sources confirmed [read more ... ]

Kroger Self-Checkout Scanner Refuses to Accept That You Moved Your Last Item From the Bagging Area

NEWPORT NEWS, Va. — Local Kroger customers have reported that the store’s scanners are refusing to cooperate during the self-checkout process. Customer Jennifer Miller told reporters that she was unable to put her item in her bag quickly enough. [read more ... ]

Area Woman Expected to Still Call Publix “Ukrop’s”

COLONIAL HEIGHTS, Va. — In what many are calling a harrowing display of dedication and brand loyalty, Short Pump resident Martha DeFord, 54, is expected to refer to Publix as “Ukrop’s” even after the upcoming switch-over. Witnesses report [read more ... ]

Area Vigilantes Seek Justice Against People Leaving Carts in Grocery Store Aisles

RICHMOND, Va. — Vigilantes hoping to shame people who leave their carts right in the middle of grocery store aisles struck last night at a local Kroger, sources confirmed Tuesday. RELATED (article continued below): Family Has Heated Debate [read more ... ]

Family Has Heated Debate Between Wegmans vs. Publix Then Realize They’re Talking About a Fucking Grocery Store

WILLIAMSBURG, Va. — The atmosphere turned tense after the Bertrands arrived at Grandma’s house this Sunday when the topic of discussion turned to Wegmans versus Publix. Things escalated to a fever pitch until the family realized that they were [read more ... ]

House Martin’s Crumbles as House Publix Rallies Its Foreign Forces Against House Kroger in the North

WESTERICHMOND, Va. — The land of WesteRichmond has long been a field of battle for numerous great grocer houses, its citizens watching as contenders rise and retreat from the arena. Many remember when the first volleys of arrows were loosed [read more ... ]