Richmond – Page 2 – The Peedmont

Chief Martin Brody Declares Pony Pasture Closed Amid Shark Threat

RICHMOND, Va. — Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the water, Chief Martin Brody, formerly of the Amity Island Police Department and currently serving as the James River Park System Superintendent, has declared that Pony Pasture [read more ... ]

RPD Chief William Smith Resigns, is Immediately Tear-Gassed

RICHMOND, Va. — Following several days of standoffs between the Richmond Police Department (RPD) and protesters, RPD Chief William Smith tendered his resignation at the request of Mayor Levar Stoney, at which point he was reflexively tear-gassed [read more ... ]

Lee Forced Into Second Surrender

RICHMOND, Va. — General Robert E. Lee of the Confederate States of America surrendered for a second time on Thursday, as Gov. Ralph Northam announced that his monument would be removed from Monument Avenue in Richmond. RELATED (article continued [read more ... ]

Low Temperatures Temporarily Reduce Stench Of Shockoe Bottom

RICHMOND, Va. – Following a period of unexpectedly cold temperatures, residents of Richmond’s Shockoe Bottom district are celebrating a noticeable reduction in the “Shockoe stank” that normally permeates the neighborhood. “I’m so [read more ... ]

“Did you know that the moonshine in ABC stores is fake?” Says Guy Who Just Fucking Got Here

RICHMOND, Va. — During a recent work happy hour, North Carolina native Steven McComas, who just fucking got here, informed his co-workers that the moonshine sold in ABC stores is actually fake. McComas, who relocated from Raleigh for a job at [read more ... ]

Armed Protestors at Reopen VA Rally Assure Public They Plan to Open Fire Only at COVID-19

RICHMOND, Va. — Explaining that the only enemy they’d willfully open fire upon was COVID-19 itself, the armed protestors at yesterday’s Reopen Virginia rally reaffirmed their peaceful stance towards the public, despite bringing a variety [read more ... ]

Famed Richmond Pornstar “Hard E. Wood” Retires

RICHMOND, Va. — After a long and illustrious career, famed adult film star and Richmond native Hard E. Wood has retired from the industry. Having spent nearly three decades honing his craft, Wood was renowned for the sense of gravity that he [read more ... ]

CDC Warns Public Not to Inject Falcon Smash IPA Into Body to Treat COVID-19

ATLANTA — The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) issued a statement advising against injecting Triple Crossing Beer’s coveted Falcon Smash IPA directly into the human body, officials confirmed Saturday. RELATED (article [read more ... ]

CDC Warns Public Not Inject Falcon Smash IPA Into Body to Treat COVID-19

ATLANTA — The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) issued a statement advising against injecting Triple Crossing Beer’s coveted Falcon Smash IPA directly into the human body, officials confirmed Saturday. RELATED (article [read more ... ]