Roanoke

New River Valley Kayak Rental To Offer Guided Rides in Wawa Parking Lot

CDC Advises All Three Residents of Big Stone Gap To Remain Socially Distanced Until Pandemic Is Over

ATLANTA — Citing concerns of a possible outbreak among the handful of residents that live in the rural southwest Virginia community, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) is advising all three residents of Big Stone Gap to keep [read more ... ]

Trump Mistakes Buena Vista for Mexican Town, Tries to Impose Sanctions, Sends ICE Agents

BUENA VISTA, Va. — Laboring under the belief that places with Hispanic-sounding names must be full of illegal immigrants, President Donald Trump has imposed economic sanctions against Buena Vista and has sent a team of Immigration and Customs [read more ... ]

Virginia’s Major Interstates, Ranked by Sexiness

While Virginia is known for a variety of fascinating topics, one particular aspect stands out like a glowing beacon of irresistible lust: infrastructure. So we did the research on Virginia’s major interstates, and have finally reached a [read more ... ]

Is This Man the New Seal of Virginia?

RICHMOND, Va. — In recent months, the United States has been consumed by a fervor of discussion and action centering on revisiting, revising, and in certain cases replacing some of the nation’s oldest historical landmarks and traditions. As [read more ... ]

Young Couple Unable to Reach Climax, Virginia

WHEREABOUTS UNKNOWN, Va. — During what was supposed to be a short weekend getaway, a new couple has found themselves in the unenviable and yet all too common predicament of being unable to reach Climax, Virginia. RELATED (article continued [read more ... ]

Virginia Tourism Corporation Announces Meth Tasting Trail in Wise County

BIG STONE GAP, Va. — In an effort to boost lagging tourism in the far western edge of the Commonwealth, the Virginia Tourism Corporation announced the opening of the state’s first meth tasting trail in Wise County on Tuesday. Officials hope to [read more ... ]

“Speed Limits Aren’t Actually Enforced by Aircraft” Says Guy Who Just Fucking Got Here

LYNCHBURG, Va. — In what he presumably thought was an earth-shattering revelation, new Virginia resident Dan Bokman shared with some friends at a Lynchburg bar that he was “pretty sure speed limits aren’t actually enforced by aircraft on [read more ... ]

Trend in Baby Goat Snuggling Sparks Retaliation From Puppies

ALBEMARLE, Va. — Following the success and popularity of goat snuggling at Caromont Farm in Albemarle County, outrage has struck the state’s puppy community, who claims that their practice of affectionate cuddling is now seriously threatened. [read more ... ]