RVA

Ravens Ominously Gather At Federal Reserve Building

RICHMOND, Va. – According to multiple eyewitnesses, large flocks of ravens have begun gathering in front of the Federal Reserve Bank in Downtown Richmond. RELATED (article continued below): Band Performing in D.C. Forgets to Prepare Uninformed [read more ... ]

Standing in Line Festival Opens This Saturday

RICHMOND, Va. — A love of overpriced beer, food trucks, and standing around is expected to draw huge crowds this Saturday at the first annual Standing in Line Festival at Maymont. The Standing in Line Festival will offer attendees the opportunity [read more ... ]

“Sure Is Humid Here, Huh?” Says Guy Who Just Fucking Got Here

RICHMOND, Va. — Bernie McGraw, just off the plane from Syracuse, New York, shocked no one yesterday with his assessment of Richmond weather. Brunch Patron Unsure Of Different Fried Egg Styles Midlothian Man Tired of Hearing What His Coworker [read more ... ]

Richmond Zoo Cheetah Only Eats Free-Range Antelope

RICHMOND, Va. — Richmond Zoo’s cheetah, Vaila, has flummoxed local zoo keepers by refusing her usual prepared meals and opting only for free-range antelope. Vaila is the latest of several instances of a zoo animal misbehaving at the Metro [read more ... ]

Texas Beach Votes to Secede From Richmond

RICHMOND, Va. — Beloved summer hangout Texas Beach has shocked locals by suddenly voting to secede from Richmond and become its own fully autonomous territory. City officials received a certified letter in the mail early Friday morning notifying [read more ... ]

Dominion Energy Riverrock Festival to Feature New Coal Ash Obstacle Course

RICHMOND, Va. — Organizers for the tenth annual Dominion Energy Riverrock festival announced today the addition of a new coal ash-themed athletic competition to headline Saturday’s event lineup. The “Ash Bash 5k ObstaCoal Rumble” is expected [read more ... ]

Grandstaff & Stein Speakeasy Now Offering Night in Jail to Commemorate Prohibition

RICHMOND, Va. — Local speakeasy Grandstaff & Stein has begun offering a new promotion, allowing customers to enhance their prohibition era experience by spending one night in jail. General Manager Theodore “Bugsy”” Rockefeller explained [read more ... ]

Commuters Rejoice as Mayor Stoney Declares One Day Confinement of Monument Avenue Joggers

RICHMOND, Va. — In a remarkable overreach of mayoral power, Richmond Mayor Levar Stoney announced that Wednesday, September 19th will be the inaugural Monument Avenue Jogger Confinement Day. Claiming that the city’s commuters are in need of a [read more ... ]

RVA Saving Time Sets Clocks Back 1 Hour and 15 Minutes to Curb Everyone’s Lateness

RICHMOND, Va. — While the rest of the nation sets their clocks forward an hour, Richmond residents are reminded to set their clocks and watches back 1 hour and 15 minutes today in observance of Richmond Saving Time (RST). The unofficial [read more ... ]