shenandoah

Park Rangers Issue Warnings After Hiker Encounters Pack Of Basic Bitches

CHARLOTTESVILLE, Va. – A local hiker experienced an unnerving encounter yesterday after meeting a wild pack of basic bitches in Shenandoah National Park. Crozet resident, Gary Reinhart, had hiked approximately three miles of the Furnace [read more ... ]

VCU Hipster Determined To Find Hiking Trail You’ve Never Heard Of

RICHMOND, Va. – After a long weekend spent bunkered in the library preparing for upcoming exams, VCU junior Randy Cadinell announced yesterday that he will be heading to Shenandoah National Park next weekend to hike a beautiful trail that no one [read more ... ]

Dominion Defends Controversial Decision to Bulldoze Entire Appalachian Mountain Range

RICHMOND, Va. — Claiming the decision was made with the best intentions, Dominion Energy is standing by their controversial commitment to completely destroy the Appalachian Mountain range. According to Dominion spokesperson Richard Deanders, the [read more ... ]

Charlottesville ABC Stores to Begin Offering Boxed Wine Decanters

CHARLOTTESVILLE, Va. — In an effort to preserve the integrity of their assorted boxed wine varietals, Virginia ABC has launched the sale of boxed wine decanters in Charlottesville stores. The new decanters, which resemble plastic milk jugs, are [read more ... ]

UVA Student in Search of Fresh New Monocle Ahead of Fall Semester

CHARLOTTESVILLE, Va. — After a tumultuous first year at the University of Virginia, rising sophomore Samuel Wilkerson has decided to turn things around and start fresh in the fall with the help of a brand new monocle. “When I first arrived at [read more ... ]

Nobody Misses Guy Who Went Missing in Shenandoah National Park: “He Was Kind of a Dick”

SIMMONS GAP, Va. — Park rangers and rescue workers called off a search for Kent Bennet, a hiker who went missing in Shenandoah National Park yesterday, at the request of his friends, family, and coworkers, who unanimously claimed that Bennet was [read more ... ]

Shenandoah National Park Deer Just Not Feeling Photogenic Today

MCGAHEYSVILLE, Va. — Noting the creature seemed overly self-aware at the sight of a camera, multiple reports have confirmed that a deer in Shenandoah National Park isn’t feeling too photogenic today. RELATED (article continued below): [read more ... ]

Best Virginia Mountain Ranges for Building Your Unabomber Shack

Whether you’re looking for a place to wage a war of environmental terrorism or you just read Into the Wild and want to get away from society, Virginia offers a number of options for building a Unabomber-style shack in the middle of nowhere. Here [read more ... ]

God Postpones Apocalypse After Hiking Through Shenandoah Fall Foliage

HEAVEN — As his majestic voice beckoned throughout the clouds above, God announced yesterday that he has decided to postpone his forthcoming apocalypse until further notice after taking a hike through the autumn-colored wilderness of Shenandoah [read more ... ]