Shockoe Bottom

New Research Suggests 17 Percent of Richmond Is in No BS! Brass Band

RICHMOND, Va. — A recently released study suggests that approximately 17 percent of Richmonders are members of the local funk-jazz musical group No BS! Brass Band. This is shockingly low, due to the band’s seemingly immense size in relation to [read more ... ]

Grandstaff & Stein Speakeasy Now Offering Night in Jail to Commemorate Prohibition

RICHMOND, Va. — Local speakeasy Grandstaff & Stein has begun offering a new promotion, allowing customers to enhance their prohibition era experience by spending one night in jail. General Manager Theodore “Bugsy”” Rockefeller explained [read more ... ]

Church Hill Fiancée Culls Friends Who Defected to Midlothian From Wedding Invite List

CHURCH HILL, Va. — Bride-to-be and proud Church Hill resident Sarah Mahoney has begun uninviting friends to her wedding after learning of their decision to move to Midlothian, The Peedmont learned Monday. Both Mahoney and her fiancée Raymond [read more ... ]

Terry McAuliffe Takes St. Patrick’s Day Off, Still Drunker Than Everyone at Siné

RICHMOND, Va. — Former governor, potential presidential candidate, and current Irish caricature, Terry McAuliffe, announced today that he would be abstaining from the usual St. Patrick’s Day celebrations. Despite this, early reports indicated [read more ... ]

Richmond Man Ends 2018 the Way It Began, Puking in Siné’s Bathroom After Being Rejected by Seven Women

RICHMOND, Va. — After once again propositioning no fewer than seven disinterested women before making his way to the closest urinal to vomit away $75 in cheap beer and fireball shots, Richmond resident and self-proclaimed ladies’ man Mitchell [read more ... ]

Henrico Woman Who Plans to Spend New Year’s Eve at Home Hailed as Genius

HENRICO, Va. — In an impeccable feat of extraordinary intellect, social mastermind and extreme introvert Jenna Parkerson has announced plans to stay home this New Year’s Eve, sources confirmed today. RELATED (article continued below): Bring in [read more ... ]

Levar Stoney Frantically Searches City Hall Closet for Extension Cord for James Center Grand Illumination

RICHMOND, Va. — Racing against time, Mayor Levar Stoney was seen desperately searching a storage closet in city hall for an extension cord needed for the Grand Illumination, city officials confirmed Friday. “Oh, no. No. No. No,” Stoney told [read more ... ]

Fan Resident OK With Going Wherever for Dinner Tonight

RICHMOND, Va. — In a classic case of dining indifference, a local Fan resident is OK with going wherever for dinner tonight, sources confirmed Saturday. RELATED (article continued below): Jeans Still Damp After Seventh Cycle in Fan [read more ... ]

Shockoe Bottom’s Pizza Place to Accept Bitcoin, Still Won’t Take Credit Cards

RICHMOND, Va. — The Pizza Place in Shockoe Bottom has just announced that they will now accept Bitcoin currency in addition to cash as payment, but still will not accept credit cards. The Pizza Place is located at the 1700 block of East Main [read more ... ]