Shockoe Bottom

Humble City Landlord Raises Rent $20 Less Than Other Landlords as Way of Giving Back to Community

RICHMOND, Va. — Giving himself a huge pat on the back for being goodhearted, local landlord Joe Greenford announced today his plans to raise rents slightly less than his competitors throughout the city. Greenford, who made zero structural or [read more ... ]

Levar Stoney Frantically Searches City Hall Closet for Extension Cord for RVA Illuminates

RICHMOND, Va. — Racing against time, Mayor Levar Stoney was seen desperately searching a storage closet in city hall for an extension cord needed for RVA Illuminates, city officials confirmed Friday. “Oh, no. No. No. No,” Stoney told [read more ... ]

New COVID-19 Alcohol Restrictions Still Require All Shockoe Bottom Back Alley Puking To Finish by 10 p.m.

RICHMOND, Va. — Following data analysis that shows COVID-19 cases slowly decreasing throughout the Commonwealth, Gov. Northam has announced loosened restrictions on alcohol purchases but is still requiring all back alley puking in Shockoe Bottom [read more ... ]

Church Hill Fiancée Culls Friends Who Defected to Midlothian From Wedding Invite List

CHURCH HILL, Va. — Bride-to-be and proud Church Hill resident Sarah Mahoney has begun uninviting friends to her wedding after learning of their decision to move to Midlothian, The Peedmont learned Monday. Both Mahoney and her fiancée Raymond [read more ... ]

Low Temperatures Temporarily Reduce Stench Of Shockoe Bottom

RICHMOND, Va. – Following a period of unexpectedly cold temperatures, residents of Richmond’s Shockoe Bottom district are celebrating a noticeable reduction in the “Shockoe stank” that normally permeates the neighborhood. “I’m so [read more ... ]

Terry McAuliffe Takes St. Patrick’s Day Off, Still Drunker Than Everyone at Siné

RICHMOND, Va. — Former governor, potential presidential candidate, and current Irish caricature, Terry McAuliffe, announced today that he would be abstaining from the usual St. Patrick’s Day celebrations. Despite this, early reports indicated [read more ... ]

Henrico Woman Who Plans to Spend New Year’s Eve at Home Hailed as Genius

HENRICO, Va. — In an impeccable feat of extraordinary intellect, social mastermind and extreme introvert Jenna Parkerson has announced plans to stay home this New Year’s Eve, sources confirmed today. Parkerson, who is now being hailed as a [read more ... ]

Fan Resident OK With Going Wherever for Dinner Tonight

RICHMOND, Va. — In a classic case of dining indifference, a local Fan resident is OK with going wherever for dinner tonight, sources confirmed Saturday. RELATED (article continued below): Fan Resident Trained For Seven Months To Complain About [read more ... ]

Jefferson Hotel Having Second Thoughts About Instituting Giant Jenga During Tea Time

RICHMOND, Va. — The Jefferson Hotel has served Richmond since 1895, bringing a high level of class and sophistication to the city and those wanting to take their marital infidelity to the next level. However, these past few months, in an attempt [read more ... ]