Shockoe Bottom

Henrico Woman Who Plans to Spend New Year’s Eve at Home Hailed as Genius

HENRICO, Va. — In an impeccable feat of extraordinary intellect, social mastermind and extreme introvert Jenna Parkerson has announced plans to stay home this New Year’s Eve, sources confirmed today. RELATED (article continued below): Bring [read more ... ]

Levar Stoney Frantically Searches City Hall Closet for Extension Cord for RVA Illuminates

RICHMOND, Va. — Racing against time, Mayor Levar Stoney was seen desperately searching a storage closet in city hall for an extension cord needed for RVA Illuminates, city officials confirmed Friday. “Oh, no. No. No. No,” Stoney told [read more ... ]

Church Hill Fiancée Culls Friends Who Defected to Midlothian From Wedding Invite List

CHURCH HILL, Va. — Bride-to-be and proud Church Hill resident Sarah Mahoney has begun uninviting friends to her wedding after learning of their decision to move to Midlothian, The Peedmont learned Monday. Both Mahoney and her fiancée Raymond [read more ... ]

Fan Resident OK With Going Wherever for Dinner Tonight

RICHMOND, Va. — In a classic case of dining indifference, a local Fan resident is OK with going wherever for dinner tonight, sources confirmed Saturday. RELATED (article continued below): Fan Resident Trained For Seven Months To Complain About [read more ... ]

Jefferson Hotel Having Second Thoughts About Instituting Giant Jenga During Tea Time

RICHMOND, Va. — The Jefferson Hotel has served Richmond since 1895, bringing a high level of class and sophistication to the city and those wanting to take their marital infidelity to the next level. However, these past few months, in an attempt [read more ... ]

Rocketts Landing Resident Assures Friends in the Fan “It’s Really Not That Far Away”

RICHMOND, Va. — Local resident McKayla Turner recently moved from her rental apartment in the Fan to a townhouse that she purchased in Rocketts Landing. However, she discovered that it’s been very difficult to convince her friends who live [read more ... ]

New Research Suggests 17 Percent of Richmond Is in No BS! Brass Band

RICHMOND, Va. — A recently released study suggests that approximately 17 percent of Richmonders are members of the local funk-jazz musical group No BS! Brass Band. This is shockingly low, due to the band’s seemingly immense size in relation to [read more ... ]

Grandstaff & Stein Speakeasy Now Offering Night in Jail to Commemorate Prohibition

RICHMOND, Va. — Local speakeasy Grandstaff & Stein has begun offering a new promotion, allowing customers to enhance their prohibition era experience by spending one night in jail. General Manager Theodore “Bugsy”” Rockefeller explained [read more ... ]

Terry McAuliffe Takes St. Patrick’s Day Off, Still Drunker Than Everyone at Siné

RICHMOND, Va. — Former governor, potential presidential candidate, and current Irish caricature, Terry McAuliffe, announced today that he would be abstaining from the usual St. Patrick’s Day celebrations. Despite this, early reports indicated [read more ... ]