Terry McAuliffe

Terry McAuliffe Brings Case of Natty to Governor’s Thanksgiving Dinner

RICHMOND, Va. — Thanksgiving guests of Gov. Ralph Northam were treated to more than just turkey and stuffing earlier today due to a surprise visitor at the Executive Mansion. Former governor Terry McAuliffe was seen stumbling up the front steps [read more ... ]

Polling Shows Healthcare, Ending Goddamn Campaign Commercials Top Issues in Today’s Election

RICHMOND, Va. — A new poll of voters across the commonwealth revealed that the top issues people are focusing on in today’s elections are healthcare and putting an end to the goddamn campaign commercials. RELATED: “Who’s Running in [read more ... ]

“Who’s Running in This Bitch Again?” Asks Shitfaced Terry McAuliffe in Voting Line on Election Day

RICHMOND, Va. — Reeking of various craft beers, a heavily intoxicated former Gov. Terry McAuliffe loudly yelled for someone to tell him who was running in the election, sources confirmed Tuesday. According to accounts, the former governor arrived [read more ... ]

“Ready to Vote Today, Cowboy?” Reads Monday Morning Text Sent From Drunk Terry McAuliffe to Joe Morrissey

RICHMOND, Va. — As both an act of challenge and a friendly reminder, former Virginia Gov. Terry McAuliffe texted state senate candidate Joe Morrissey while heavily intoxicated asking if he was ready to vote today, sources confirmed Monday. [read more ... ]

Amanda Chase Apologizes in Advance for Next Horrible Words and Deeds

RICHMOND, Va. — Claiming that her campaign schedule is becoming more demanding by the day, Virginia Sen. Amanda Chase (R-Chesterfield) gave a heartfelt preemptive apology for the unconscionable things she will undoubtedly say or do in the coming [read more ... ]

Terry McAuliffe Dragged out by Event Security After Trying to Rush Democratic Primary Debate Stage

DETROIT — In a decision fueled by political determination and a blood alcohol concentration level of 0.12, former Virginia Gov. Terry McAuliffe was forcibly dragged out of the Democratic primary debate after attempting to rush the stage, sources [read more ... ]

Life-Size Monument of the Richmond Coliseum Proposed on Site of Current Coliseum

RICHMOND, Va. — After constant speculation regarding the future of the Richmond Coliseum, city officials announced Wednesday plans to replace the Coliseum with a life-size monument of the Richmond Coliseum. “Since Richmond is a city filled with [read more ... ]

Drunk Terry McAuliffe Seen Running Down the Street Making Airplane Noises

MCLEAN, Va. — A heavily intoxicated Terry McAuliffe was spotted yesterday running down Balls Hill Road in a zigzag pattern while making airplane noises, sources reported. Witnesses said that the former governor held up traffic as he made several [read more ... ]

Terry McAuliffe Challenges Entire CNN Newsroom to Game of Flip Cup After Chris Cuomo Interview

ATLANTA — Insisting that there would be enough time in the upcoming commercial break for a full game, former Virginia Gov. Terry McAuliffe challenged CNN’s newsroom to a game of flip cup following his appearance on Cuomo Prime Time, sources [read more ... ]