Terry McAuliffe

Trump Points to Coal in Stocking as Proof of Virginia Coal Industry Booming

WASHINGTON — Stock prices are expected to soar when trading resumes after President Trump pointed to the vast amounts of coal in his stocking on Christmas morning as definitive proof that Virginia’s coal industry is booming. The President awoke [read more ... ]

Terry McAuliffe Drunkenly Caroling Gets Through Three Bars of “Jingle Bells” Before Passing out on Porch

CHESTERFIELD, Va. — In an effort to get his former constituents in the holiday spirit, a heavily intoxicated former Gov. Terry McAuliffe only made it through the first few verses of “Jingle Bells” before passing out while going door-to-door [read more ... ]

Terry Mcaullife’s Exploratory Committee for Governor Just Three Guys and a Case of Hardywood Singel

RELATED: “Who’s Running in This Bitch Again?” Asks Shitfaced Terry McAuliffe in Voting Line on Election DayTerry McAuliffe Dragged out by Event Security After Trying to Rush Presidential Debate StagePlastered Terry McAuliffe Asked for Third [read more ... ]

Terry McAuliffe Brings Case of Natty to Governor’s Thanksgiving Dinner

RICHMOND, Va. — Thanksgiving guests of Gov. Ralph Northam were treated to more than just turkey and stuffing earlier today due to a surprise visitor at the Executive Mansion. Former governor Terry McAuliffe was seen stumbling up the front steps [read more ... ]

McAullife: “This is the worst hangover I’ve had since my 2014 inauguration”

RICHMOND, Va. — Following former Vice President Joe Biden’s triumphant victory in the 2020 Presidential Election, former Gov. Terry McAullife announced this morning that he is suffering from his worst hangover in years. “Man, we cracked [read more ... ]

Joe Morrissey Spotted in Voting Line With Brown Paper Bag Over His Head

HENRICO, Va. — Four years after his unsuccessful campaign as an independent candidate in Richmond’s 2016 mayoral election, Rep. Joe Morrissey (D-16th) was seen standing in line at his voting precinct wearing a brown paper bag over his head, [read more ... ]

“Who’s Running in This Bitch Again?” Asks Shitfaced Terry McAuliffe in Voting Line on Election Day

RICHMOND, Va. — Reeking of various craft beers, a heavily intoxicated former Gov. Terry McAuliffe loudly yelled for someone to tell him who was running in the election, sources confirmed Tuesday. RELATED (article continued below): Terry McAuliffe [read more ... ]

Polling Shows Healthcare, Ending Goddamn Campaign Commercials Top Issues in Tuesday’s Election

RICHMOND, Va. — A new poll of voters across the commonwealth revealed that the top issues people are focusing on in Tuesday’s elections are healthcare and putting an end to the goddamn campaign commercials. RELATED (article continued below): [read more ... ]

Terry McAuliffe Furious Upon Learning Longtime “Hangover Nausea Cure” Is Being Discontinued

HEATHSVILLE, Va. — Calling the decision a betrayal of Virginia’s finest export second to Hardywood’s Gingerbread Stout, former governor of Virginia Terry McAuliffe is furious with Coca-Cola’s decision to discontinue the production of [read more ... ]