Terry McAuliffe

Trump Points to Coal in Stocking as Proof of Virginia Coal Industry Booming

WASHINGTON — Stock prices are expected to soar when trading resumes after President Trump pointed to the vast amounts of coal in his stocking on Christmas morning as definitive proof that Virginia’s coal industry is booming. The President awoke [read more ... ]

Terry McAuliffe Drunkenly Caroling Gets Through Three Bars of “Jingle Bells” Before Passing out on Porch

CHESTERFIELD, Va. — In an effort to get his former constituents in the holiday spirit, a heavily intoxicated former Gov. Terry McAuliffe only made it through the first few verses of “Jingle Bells” before passing out while going door-to-door [read more ... ]

Terry McAuliffe Brings Case of Natty to Governor’s Thanksgiving Dinner

RICHMOND, Va. — Thanksgiving guests of Gov. Ralph Northam were treated to more than just turkey and stuffing earlier today due to a surprise visitor at the Executive Mansion. Former governor Terry McAuliffe was seen stumbling up the front steps [read more ... ]

Joe Morrissey Spotted in Voting Line With Brown Paper Bag Over His Head

HENRICO, Va. — Two years after his unsuccessful campaign as an independent candidate in Richmond’s 2016 mayoral election, lawyer Joe Morrissey was seen standing in line at his voting precinct wearing a brown paper bag over his head, witnesses [read more ... ]

“Who’s Running in This Bitch Again?” Asks Shitfaced Terry McAuliffe in Voting Line on Election Day

RICHMOND, Va. — Reeking of various craft beers, a heavily intoxicated former Gov. Terry McAuliffe loudly yelled for someone to tell him who was running in the election, sources confirmed Tuesday. According to accounts, the former governor arrived [read more ... ]

Spanberger Campaign Uncovers Brat’s History of Teaching at White Privilege High

GLEN ALLEN, Va. — In an explosive new television ad that began airing yesterday in Virginia’s 7th Congressional District, the campaign of Abigail Spanberger claims to have evidence showing her opponent, Dave Brat, was once a part-time teacher at [read more ... ]

“Surely there’s no way I can screw this up,” Kaine Says for the Second Time in Two Years

RICHMOND, Va. — With Senatorial candidate Tim Kaine leading in key counties throughout the Commonwealth against his opponent Corey Stewart, Kaine is understandably confident that there is no possible way he can mess up the upcoming election. [read more ... ]

Debate Moderator Suggests Corey Stewart Remove Cheek Full of Dip Before Answering the Next Question.

MCLEAN, Va. — The debate between Virginia senatorial candidates Corey Stewart and Tim Kaine went off the rails yesterday, after the debate moderator asked Stewart to remove the wad of dip in his mouth before responding to the next question. [read more ... ]

Corey Stewart Arrives Early for Debate Despite Having Traveled From 1862

MCLEAN, Va. — In an impressive show of punctuality, Corey Stewart arrived several hours early for this evening’s debate against Sen. Tim Kaine despite having traveled from the year 1862, sources confirmed Wednesday morning. Stewart, who [read more ... ]