Tom Periello

Disgruntled Perriello Signs Up to Bring Plates and Napkins to Northam’s Inauguration Potluck

RICHMOND, Va. — Perhaps as a sign that his defeat to Governor-elect Ralph Northam in the Democratic primary last June still rankled, Tom Perriello signed up to bring plates and napkins to Northam’s inauguration potluck, sources confirmed. For [read more ... ]

Northam Not Renting U-Haul for Move to Governor’s Mansion: “It’ll Fit in My Truck”

RICHMOND, Va. — Governor-elect Ralph Northam pledged this week to not spend any Virginia taxpayer money on a moving vehicle for his transition into the Executive Mansion, opting instead to use his personal truck. Northam told reporters his 1996 [read more ... ]

Omarosa Fired, Seen Taking Up Shifts as Club Rouge Bouncer

RICHMOND, Va. — Former White House political aide and star of “The Apprentice,” Omarosa Manigault Newman was seen working the door at Club Rouge last Friday. Sources confirmed that she took the new gig as a bouncer after being unceremoniously [read more ... ]

Virginia Senate Passes Resolution Bypassing Democratic Elections for Rock-Paper-Scissors Matches

RICHMOND, Va. — With overwhelming support from the Republican majority, the Virginia Senate passed a resolution this morning that will officially allow rock-paper-scissors matches to take the place of popular democratic elections. This resolution [read more ... ]

With Term Running Out, McAuliffe Desperate to Kick Gubernatorial Kegs

RICHMOND, Va. — With six months left in his term, Governor Terry McAuliffe has refocused his energy on finishing the kegs he had installed during his term. On his first day in office, Governor McAuliffe assigned his housing staff to put a [read more ... ]

Millennials Expected to Flock to Polls After Gillespie Threatens to Raise Beer Taxes

WILLIAMSBURG, Va. — New reports predict a significant increase in voter turnout for the 18-34 age demographic in the wake of Republican gubernatorial candidate Ed Gillespie’s recent campaign promise to increase taxes on beer sales throughout the [read more ... ]

Ed Gillespie Doubles Down Against Sanctuary Cities, Promises to Deport Plaza Azteca

YORKTOWN, Va. — At a press conference yesterday Republican gubernatorial candidate Ed Gillespie took his stance against sanctuary cities a step further and announced his plans to shut down the Mexican restaurant chain Plaza Azteca if he wins the [read more ... ]

McAuliffe Invites All of Star-lite Back to Capitol to Play Cornhole

RICHMOND, Va. — After a Fireball-soaked Saturday night at Star-lite Diner and Lounge, Governor Terry McAuliffe invited everyone in the bar back to his house to play cornhole with him. Witnesses state that McAuliffe, who is known for his [read more ... ]

“Aren’t you a little young for that?” Asks Ed Gillespie to Kid at Plan 9 Looking Through Vinyl

CARYTOWN, Va. — While browsing through various used records at popular music shop Plan 9, Ellis Ralston, 26, was reportedly approached by Republican gubernatorial candidate Ed Gillespie who commented that Ralston looked too young to be collecting [read more ... ]