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Family Traveling From Fairfax to Richmond Leaves Now to Make It in Time for Christmas

FAIRFAX, Va. — Determined to make it to her mother’s house in Richmond by Christmas morning, Lydia Manderson and her family are leaving their Fairfax County home right now, sources confirmed Sunday. RELATED (article continued below): Ghost of [read more ... ]

Drunk Terry McAuliffe Seen Running Down the Street Making Airplane Noises

MCLEAN, Va. — A heavily intoxicated Terry McAuliffe was spotted yesterday running down Balls Hill Road in a zigzag pattern while making airplane noises, sources reported. Witnesses said that the former governor held up traffic as he made several [read more ... ]

VDOT Announces Initiative to Aimlessly Move Construction Equipment From One Side of I-495 to the Other

FAIRFAX, Va. — In their latest upkeep effort for the commonwealth’s roads, the Virginia Department of Transportation (VDOT) announced that it will aimlessly move construction equipment from one side of the I-495 beltway to the other, sources [read more ... ]

We Ranked the Only Stoplight in Floyd County

FLOYD, Va. — Whether you’re traveling on Route 8 from the middle of nowhere or driving on Route 221 coming from slightly left of the middle of nowhere, you may find yourself face to face with the one and only stoplight in Floyd County. Here is [read more ... ]

Audi A7 Just Cut Six People off Behind You on the Beltway and You’re Next

TYSONS, Va. — A car has been seen weaving in and out of traffic during rush hour on the Capital Beltway, and sources have confirmed that it is now your turn to get cut off. The luxury automobile seems to be approaching rapidly as it slices through [read more ... ]

UN Officially Classifies NOVA Traffic As Crime Against Humanity

NEW YORK — The United Nations (UN) announced this week that traffic in Northern Virginia, known colloquially as NOVA, is now a formally recognized crime against humanity. This move came after the International Criminal Court, based in the Hague, [read more ... ]

Cyclist On Monument Ave Unaware That He Is Currently Most Hated Person In Town

RICHMOND, Va. – Despite the sounds of horns blaring and the relentless profanities from traffic behind him, reports are coming in that cyclist Shaun Templeton, who’s mild speed has caused a traffic backup spanning three blocks, is completely [read more ... ]

New GRTC Buses To Conveniently Take Up 2 Lanes Instead Of 1 ½

RICHMOND, Va. – Following increased customer volume and subsequent demand for public transit options during the Bus Rapid Transit’s (BRT) construction, city officials announced this morning that new Greater Richmond Transit Company (GRTC) [read more ... ]

Five Dead From Malnutrition While Stuck In Traffic For Williamsburg Outlets On Black Friday

WILLIAMSBURG, Va. — Now that the rancorous 2016 election is finished, Americans are about ready for retail therapy. For a lot of us, we’ll be leaving our steaming turkey dinners and acrimonious families in pursuit of marked-down [read more ... ]