UVA

Rotunda Statue of Thomas Jefferson to Be Replaced by Statue of Tony Bennett

CHARLOTTESVILLE, Va. — Following the Cavalier’s triumph in the NCAA tournament final last night, officials at the University of Virginia have announced plans to replace the statue of university founder Thomas Jefferson with one of men’s [read more ... ]

Rolling Stone Reports UVA Loss to Auburn

CHARLOTTESVILLE, Va. — Congratulating the Cavaliers on their tremendous but ill-fated run to the Final Four, Rolling Stone reported Sunday that UVA was eliminated from the NCAA tournament following their 1-point defeat to Auburn University. “The [read more ... ]

UVA Students Burn Down Rotunda Again in Celebration of Final Four Berth

CHARLOTTESVILLE, Va. — The University of Virginia Cavaliers clinched a Final Four berth for the first time since 1984, causing a group of rambunctious students to celebrate by burning down the Rotunda for the first time since 1895. “Well, we [read more ... ]

Friday Night in UVA Bar Going to Come up in 2050 Senate Hearing

CHARLOTTESVILLE, Va. — Future Deputy Attorney General Austin Spencer “Rex” Rexhall’s Friday night at Charlottesville’s famed Trinity Irish Pub will definitely come up during his 2050 Senate hearing, sources confirmed Monday. RELATED [read more ... ]

“Well, Can’t Be Worse Than Last Year,” Says JMU Basketball Coach Louis Rowe

HARRISONBURG, Va. — Coming off a disappointing 10-22 season, Louis Rowe, head coach of JMU’s men’s basketball team, is optimistic for the sole reason that expectations could not be lower. Citing scheming issues and the fact that a few teams on [read more ... ]

UVA Student in Search of Fresh New Monocle Ahead of Fall Semester

CHARLOTTESVILLE, Va. — After a tumultuous first year at the University of Virginia, rising sophomore Samuel Wilkerson has decided to turn things around and start fresh in the fall with the help of a brand new monocle. “When I first arrived at [read more ... ]

Charlottesville ABC Stores to Begin Offering Boxed Wine Decanters

CHARLOTTESVILLE, Va. — In an effort to preserve the integrity of their assorted boxed wine varietals, Virginia ABC has launched the sale of boxed wine decanters in Charlottesville stores. The new decanters, which resemble plastic milk jugs, are [read more ... ]

Terry McAuliffe Goes to Beach Week, Made Honorary Delta Nu

VIRGINIA BEACH, Va. — Driven by a desire to blow off some steam in the summer season, former Gov. Terry McAuliffe let loose on the Virginia Beach boardwalk last week and emerged as an honorary member of the Delta Nu sorority. After drunkenly [read more ... ]

Charlottesville Bar Removes All but One Shelf to Advertise Top-Shelf Liquor to UVA Bros

CHARLOTTESVILLE, Va. — A restaurant near the University of Virginia campus announced innovative plans today to consolidate all of their liquor to a single shelf to appeal to the members of Greek life that frequent the bar. Slippery Pete’s, a [read more ... ]