Virginia Commonwealth University

Op-ed: Havoc Doesn’t Live Here, but He Crashes on the Couch Pretty Often

RICHMOND, Va. — I know Havoc. I mean, I guess I know him as well as anyone can really know him. He’s elusive and cagey with the details of his life. I met him eight beers and two Jager shots deep at Delta Chi’s “young tarts and old [read more ... ]

Mechanicsville Man Claims That PC Culture Has Gone too Far by Judging Miss America Pageant Contest Winner on Science Experiment

MECHANICSVILLE, Va. — Claiming that “millennial liberalism is plaguing the world,” Randy Starks of Mechanicsville condemned the Miss America pageant for crowning Camille Schrier, a 24-year-old biochemist student at VCU, as Miss America 2020 [read more ... ]

VCU Bros Wander Aimlessly Through Baja Bean Parking Lot With Tecate Withdrawal

RICHMOND, Va. — Visibly distraught and moderately delirious, members of the Delta Tau Chi fraternity were seen lurking in the parking lot of the recently-closed Baja Bean Co. on Main Street while suffering Tecate withdrawal, sources confirmed [read more ... ]

Sulking Jay Gruden Promised New Job as Head Coach of VCU Football

RICHMOND, Va. — In the wake of Jay Gruden’s firing from the Washington Redskins, VCU announced plans today to extend an offer to the sullen, shell of a man for the head coaching position for their men’s football team. RELATED (article [read more ... ]

GMU Freshman with 500+ Connections on LinkedIn Thinks He’s Some Kind of Big Shot

FAIRFAX, Va — In a probably unprecedented turn of events, GMU freshman Austin Wilson revealed today that he has hit over 500 connections on his LinkedIn profile. “I got 500 plus connections on LinkedIn,” Wilson yelled, gleefully yet [read more ... ]

Virginia Tech Graduate Moves to North Carolina, Shocked That No One Cares About Alma Mater

RALEIGH, N.C. — Frank Wilcox, a member of Virginia Tech’s Class of 2017, learned the hard way that it’s a different world outside of Blacksburg. Upon graduating with a degree in computer science, Wilcox accepted a job at Desai Data Systems in [read more ... ]

Mom Sad to See Son Go to VCU but Happy to Be Fucking Dad in Living Room Again

ORANGE, Va. — Emotions ran high last week as Janet Gering dropped her son Kyle off at VCU, feeling both sad that her son would no longer be living at home and also elated at the prospect of fucking her husband Gary in their living room again. [read more ... ]

William and Mary Campus Police Issue Warning: Line to Enter Swem Library Currently Seven Miles Long

WILLIAMSBURG, Va. — Due to the immense demand for entry to Swem Library during the first week of the spring semester, the William and Mary campus police have just sent out an alert warning that the line to get in is approximately seven miles long. [read more ... ]

Op-Ed: I’m an Incoming VCU Freshman and I’d Love to Tell You Why Jaywalking Is a Human Right

I wasn’t even going to sit down and write this because, let’s be honest, me writing anything is wild. I thought I was going to be done with writing when I graduated high school. Everything I have to say could be accomplished in a couple of snaps [read more ... ]