washington dc

Study Reveals Every Restaurant in Annandale Is Korean BBQ

ANNANDALE, Va. — A recent study commissioned by the Annandale Restaurant Information Research Council has confirmed that every restaurant in Annandale is a Korean barbecue establishment. The study was the result of multiple inquiries asking the [read more ... ]

Mulder and Scully to Investigate Traffic Around Quantico in Newest Season of “The X-Files”

DUMFRIES, Va. — Showrunner Chris Carter has confirmed that, in the highly anticipated new season of his iconic program “The X-Files,” the show’s two main characters will discover the truth about a highly-speculated-upon local, almost [read more ... ]

Local Satire Site Gives up on New Facebook Algorithm, Just Starts Reporting Real News

AT THE END OF MY SANITY — In an effort to combat Facebook’s latest algorithm that limits the amount of fake news on its platform, local satirical news organization The Peedmont will begin reporting real news, sources confirmed this week. In a [read more ... ]

Northern Virginia Woman Who Doesn’t Own Bryce Harper Jersey Banned from All Dating Sites

ARLINGTON, Va. — Arlington resident, Amanda Joyce, recently received notice from multiple dating sites that they will no longer support any of her profiles and have banned her entirely. RELATED (article continued below): Ancient Cave Paintings [read more ... ]

New TV Show to Investigate Northern Virginia’s Ghostings

ALEXANDRIA, Va. — The makers of the popular television show “Ghost Hunters” have decided to branch out with a new entry in the series that takes place right near the Beltway. However, this new show will not be exploring the fairly well-trod [read more ... ]

D.C. Man Casually Mentions Dislike of “The West Wing,” Ostracized from Society, Dies Alone

WASHINGTON — William Christopher Riley, 47, of Cathedral Heights, departed this Earth on Sunday after a prolonged battle with loneliness. Riley is survived by his mother Eleanor and his cat Wonky. A career public servant, Riley worked at the [read more ... ]

Trend in Baby Goat Snuggling Sparks Retaliation From Puppies

ALBEMARLE, Va. — Following the success and popularity of goat snuggling at Caromont Farm in Albemarle County, outrage has struck the state’s puppy community, who claims that their practice of affectionate cuddling is now seriously threatened. [read more ... ]

Alexandria Fourth Grader Totally Stoked for Ninth Consecutive Field Trip to Museum of Natural History

ALEXANDRIA, Va. — Wasting no time in getting his permission slip for the occasion signed by his mother, Tyler Christie, a fourth grader at John Adams Elementary School in Alexandria, is extremely excited about his upcoming class field trip to the [read more ... ]

Arlington Millennial Keeps Insisting That Living in Arlington “Just as Good as Living in Georgetown” for Reassurance

ARLINGTON, Va. — Local young professional Avery Hobson, 27, has reportedly spent the better part of the last two years strenuously arguing that residing in Arlington is “just as good as living in Georgetown.” Her position on this topic, which [read more ... ]