Waynesboro

Exhibitionist Leaf Very Excited for Upcoming Foliage Festival

WAYNESBORO, Va. — Whenever someone mentions the Waynesboro Fall Foliage Festival (WFFF), Scarlett A. Oak, a developed leaf from a local 77-year-old white oak tree, glistens with excitement. That’s because, at this year’s festival, Scarlett [read more ... ]

Trump Mistakes Buena Vista for Mexican Town, Tries to Impose Sanctions, Sends ICE Agents

BUENA VISTA, Va. — Laboring under the belief that places with Hispanic-sounding names must be full of illegal immigrants, President Donald Trump has imposed economic sanctions against Buena Vista and has sent a team of Immigration and Customs [read more ... ]

“Did you know that the moonshine in ABC stores is fake?” Says Guy Who Just Fucking Got Here

RICHMOND, Va. — During a recent work happy hour, North Carolina native Steven McComas, who just fucking got here, informed his co-workers that the moonshine sold in ABC stores is actually fake. McComas, who relocated from Raleigh for a job at [read more ... ]

Charlottesville ABC Stores to Begin Offering Boxed Wine Decanters

CHARLOTTESVILLE, Va. — In an effort to preserve the integrity of their assorted boxed wine varietals, Virginia ABC has launched the sale of boxed wine decanters in Charlottesville stores. The new decanters, which resemble plastic milk jugs, are [read more ... ]

UVA Student in Search of Fresh New Monocle Ahead of Fall Semester

CHARLOTTESVILLE, Va. — After a tumultuous first year at the University of Virginia, rising sophomore Samuel Wilkerson has decided to turn things around and start fresh in the fall with the help of a brand new monocle. “When I first arrived at [read more ... ]

“Speed Limits Aren’t Actually Enforced by Aircraft” Says Guy Who Just Fucking Got Here

LYNCHBURG, Va. — In what he presumably thought was an earth-shattering revelation, new Virginia resident Dan Bokman shared with some friends at a Lynchburg bar that he was “pretty sure speed limits aren’t actually enforced by aircraft on [read more ... ]

Virginia Flaggers Erect Over I-64

IN THE MIDDLE OF A GODDAMN FIELD IN LOUISA, Va. — Members of the Virginia Flaggers stood at rigid attention and gave a full salute as a large Confederate flag was raised to flap in the breeze over Interstate 64 in Louisa County. Members of the [read more ... ]

Nelson County Resident Tries To Put Out Fire By Spitting Moonshine On It

NELSON CO, Va. – Reports are coming in that a Virginia resident combated a sudden house fire by spitting copious amounts of his batch of homemade moonshine onto the burning blaze. Tom Wallace, a Nelson County native, thought he had met his [read more ... ]