weather

Opossum Not Hit by Car on Route 29, Signaling Six More Weeks of Unpredictable Weather

ALTAVISTA, Va. — Al the Altavista Opossum, Virginia’s own marsupial meteorologist, did not die on the side of the Route 29 today, meaning that Virginians can look forward to six more weeks of completely unpredictable weather. RELATED (article [read more ... ]

“It’s Still Not as Bad as the Blizzard of ‘96” Henrico Man Says About Any Inclement Weather Event

HENRICO, Va. — Noting that the extensive snowfall that covered the entire commonwealth hasn’t been matched since, West End resident Ron Nabors, 61, has continued to compare every inclement weather event to the winter storm of 1996, sources [read more ... ]

Report: Guy in Honda Civic Pretty Sure He Can Make It up That Hill

CHESTERFIELD, Va. — Dismissing the dangerous road conditions as a mere inconvenience, Chesterfield resident Jason Akers is pretty sure his 2012 Honda Civic EX can make it up that hill, sources confirmed Monday. “Don’t worry about me, I’ve [read more ... ]

New Research Reveals That Absolutely Nobody in Virginia Should Drive in Snow

FAIRFAX, Va. — A new study conducted by researchers at George Mason University has unveiled that Virginia citizens should never be allowed to drive in the snow, regardless of circumstance. RELATED (article continued below): WxRisk Says Don’t [read more ... ]

Visiting Californian Breaks Record for Most Complaints About Humidity in 24-Hour Period

RICHMOND, Va. — The Guiness Book of World Records announced yesterday that Taylor Elise Worthington of Encinitas, California, smashed the previous record for most complaints about Virginia’s famously oppressive humidity in a 24-hour period. [read more ... ]

NBC’s Thaddeus the Thunder Opossum Struggling to Compete With Walter the CBS Weather Dog

RICHMOND, Va. — Following the success of Walter the Weather Dog on local television station CBS 6 News, competing news outlet NBC12 recently introduced viewers to Thaddeus the Thunder Opossum, a one-year-old marsupial with a panache for detecting [read more ... ]

WxRisk Says Don’t Worry, We’ll Get More Snow In August

RICHMOND, Va. — Noted counterculture weather guru WxRisk, has announced that the Richmond area will be faced with a snowstorm of epic proportions this coming August. RELATED (article continued below): Opossum Not Hit by Car on Route 29, Six More [read more ... ]

Report: Catastrophic Climate Change Definitely Worth Virginia’s 70 Degree Winter Weather

WAKEFIELD, Va. — A new report from the National Weather Service in Wakefield revealed that pleasantly warm temperatures throughout the winter months is totally worth the effects of catastrophic climate change, the organization announced Monday. [read more ... ]

Report: Holy Shit It’s in the 60s

RICHMOND, Va. — Following a streak of unseasonably warm weather, citizens around Richmond and much of the commonwealth rejoiced today as it stayed in the fucking 60s outside, sources confirmed Tuesday. “Holy shit, this is awesome,” [read more ... ]