weather

“Sure Is Humid Here, Huh?” Says Guy Who Just Fucking Got Here

RICHMOND, Va. — Bernie McGraw, just off the plane from Syracuse, New York, shocked no one yesterday with his assessment of Richmond weather. Brunch Patron Unsure Of Different Fried Egg Styles Midlothian Man Tired of Hearing What His Coworker [read more ... ]

Officials Warn Attacks From Terrorist Organization Known as “Seasonal Allergies” on the Rise

RICHMOND, Va. — A joint investigation between the Virginia Department of Health and the Virginia State Police has uncovered a plot by noted terrorist organization Seasonal Allergies to infect the state with nasal and upper respiratory symptoms [read more ... ]

Chesterfield County Teacher in Constant State of Arousal at the Thought of Impending Snow Day

CHESTERFIELD, Va. — Describing the feeling as a complete and irresistible tease, Winterpock Elementary School teacher Brian Grandoff has been in a state of arousal on the eve of a potential snow day, sources confirmed Tuesday. “The prospect of [read more ... ]

CBS 6 Weather Predictions Reduced to Shrugging and Saying “Sure, Why Not”

RICHMOND, Va. — Explaining that conventional methods of meteorological study were not enough to keep up with the ever-changing weather in Virginia, CBS 6 will reduce their weather forecast segments to a single meteorologist standing in front of a [read more ... ]

Wakefield: Expect Approximately 39 Minutes of Spring Between Winter and Summer Sometime Around April 12

WAKEFIELD, Va. — Following a string of winter storms across the Commonwealth, the National Weather Service in Wakefield announced today that the 2021 spring season will officially begin and end sometime around April 12 and span a total of length [read more ... ]

Area Man Looking Forward to Complaining About Cooler Temperatures

VARINA, Va. — After a summer of brutal heat, Rod Tinsley of Varina is eagerly awaiting the day he can stop complaining about the hot weather and begin criticizing a cooler climate. Tinsley, 49, is that rare breed of curmudgeon that complains about [read more ... ]

Virginia Meteorologists: “We have no fucking clue what to expect this winter”

WAKEFIELD, Va. — After what felt like a never ending summer filled with relentless heat & humidity, the state’s leading meteorologists have issued a statement regarding the upcoming winter season, announcing that they haven’t the slightest [read more ... ]

Satan Responsible For Recent Hot Weather; Blames It On Burst Pipe In Hell

HELL – After a stint of painfully hot weather throughout the summer season, Satan himself has claimed responsibility for the harsh climate, announcing that the cause is a recently burst pipe in Hell. In a recent interview, the Devil admitted the [read more ... ]

Hanover Resident Looking Forward To Warm Weather With Climate Change

ASHLAND, Va. – Following near-record highs during the winter season, Howard Lawson, a resident of Hanover County, is enjoying the current forecasted temperatures for the coming week. “Oh man, highs in the 60s in February? I’ll take it,” an [read more ... ]