William & Mary

“Well, Can’t Be Worse Than Last Year,” Says JMU Basketball Coach Louis Rowe

HARRISONBURG, Va. — Coming off a disappointing 10-22 season, Louis Rowe, head coach of JMU’s men’s basketball team, is optimistic for the sole reason that expectations could not be lower. Citing scheming issues and the fact that a few teams on [read more ... ]

Virginia Tech Football Fan Claims This Is Their Year for 12th Year in a Row

RICHMOND, Va. — To the shock of exactly none of his friends, Todd Lawrence insisted for the twelfth year in a row that Virginia Tech is sure to win a national football championship. Lawrence made his bold proclamation after slamming back his ninth [read more ... ]

VCU to Offer Ark Building Concentration in Light of Climate Change

RICHMOND, Va. — In an effort to prepare future generations for the impending threat of catastrophic weather phenomena associated with climate change, Virginia Commonwealth University (VCU) will now offer students a series of classes in ark [read more ... ]

“That’s It, Math Is Out,” ODU Refuses to Increase Tuition

NORFOLK, Va. — In a sincere and calculated move to help lower costs for students, Old Dominion University announced Monday the immediate expulsion of all math courses and majors from its degree programs. This stunning move enables the [read more ... ]

Local Shop Sells Out of Bob Marley, Boondock Saints Posters as Virginia Tech Students Arrive

BLACKSBURG, Va. — Following the massive influx of freshmen arriving on the Virginia Tech campus, local shop Nice Dreams announced today that they’ve completely run out of Bob Marley and Boondock Saints posters, which they offer in addition to [read more ... ]

Saturday Afternoon on Virginia Beach Boardwalk Mistaken for Gathering of the Juggalos

VIRGINIA BEACH, Va. — What began as a typical Saturday afternoon on the Virginia Beach Boardwalk quickly devolved into chaos as authorities responded to multiple reports of an impromptu Gathering of the Juggalos. Enthusiastic fans of the hip-hop [read more ... ]

VCU Student Willing to Drive 20 Minutes to Mom’s House Instead of Venturing Into Basement for Laundry

RICHMOND, Va. — VCU freshman Sarah Wagner has been observed travelling to her mom’s house in Henrico to do laundry instead of using the laundry room in her dormitory basement. Wagner, who started at VCU in August, reported that it is the first [read more ... ]

William and Mary Hoop and Stick Racing Team Still Undefeated, Unchallenged

WILLIAMSBURG, Va. — It was a fine spring day as the last hoop roller of the season ambled across the finish line of William and Mary’s 320th Hoop and Stick Racing Open. Once more the William and Mary varsity squad entered the Open as reigning [read more ... ]

UVA Suffers Biggest Defeat Since Abolition of Slavery

CHARLOTTESVILLE, Va. — Shockwaves tore through the University of Virginia campus Friday night as students and staff reacted to the stunning early exit of their number one ranked basketball team, calling the defeat the worst loss the university has [read more ... ]