Winter

Report: It’s Basically Christmas

RICHMOND, Va.— As people continue to pack away their “totally ironic” Joker costumes and wallow in beer and Tootsie Roll farts, officials statewide have confirmed that it is basically Christmas. “All of the big stores are getting their [read more ... ]

Report: Catastrophic Climate Change Definitely Worth Virginia’s 70 Degree Winter Weather

WAKEFIELD, Va. — A new report from the National Weather Service in Wakefield revealed that pleasantly warm temperatures throughout the winter months is totally worth the effects of catastrophic climate change, the organization announced Monday. [read more ... ]

Chesterfield County Teacher in Constant State of Arousal at the Thought of Impending Snow Day

CHESTERFIELD, Va. — Describing the feeling as a complete and irresistible tease, Winterpock Elementary School teacher Brian Grandoff has been in a state of arousal on the eve of a potential snow day, sources confirmed Tuesday. “The prospect of [read more ... ]

Hanover Resident Looking Forward To Warm Weather With Climate Change

ASHLAND, Va. – Following near-record highs during the winter season, Howard Lawson, a resident of Hanover County, is enjoying the current forecasted temperatures for the coming week. “Oh man, highs in the 60s in February? I’ll take it,” an [read more ... ]

REPORT: Everyone Has The Day Off Today Except You

VIRGINIA – In the wake of the winter storm that has affected nearly all of Virginia, reports are coming in that everyone in the state has the day off today except you. Due to icy roads, bridges, and sidewalks, every county has made the decision [read more ... ]