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Bass Pro Shops To Require Proof of Ruger AR-556 Ownership To Enter

HANOVER, Va. — Standing in defiance of Gov. Ralph Northman’s polite request that everyone please get vaccinated and wear masks, Bass Pro Shops in Hanover County will now only permit patrons who own Ruger AR-556 rifles into the store, the company announced Friday.

Bass Pro’s owner, Vance Knox, announced the new gun ownership mandate in a Facebook rant filmed in the cab of his Ford F-250 truck, explaining that he’s instituting the mandate of carrying the popular assault rifle out of principle as a form of protest to what he feels is an illegal government overreach and tyrannical practice. 

“I am a proud patriot and I will oppose the oppressive tyranny of Governor Coonman in all forms,” Vance said from behind a baseball cap and dark sunglasses. “If that evil dictator thinks he can tell me I have to require people to wear masks and get vaccinated then I can proclaim that anyone who passes through my turnstile can provide proof they are a rifle-carrying, God-fearing, red-blooded, straight, white American.”

The store’s policy will allow valid proof of gun ownership (which can include a concealed carry permit), a firearm openly displayed on the person, or an actively bleeding bullet wound from an accidental shooting. Vance added that he will offer a waiver and unmasked bear hug to anyone entering the store to purchase their very first firearm. 

“We just want to promote a safe and secure shopping atmosphere,” Vance added, before going into a rant about the evils of critical race theory over the din of “The Dan Bongino Show” playing through his truck’s radio. 

Travis Anderson, a spokesperson for the governor’s office responded to an interview request with a statement saying that the commonwealth has in no way required private businesses to only allow masked or vaccinated individuals to enter. Anderson stressed that the governor’s announcement was merely a plea for common sense and that Bass Pro Shops is free to require proof of gun ownership if it wishes to make such an insane requirement. 

Vance said that the requirement will go into effect immediately and invited all patriots to join him to save 15% on all fall hunting apparel both in-store and online with the discount code GUNS2021, and added that any communist socialist liberals are welcome to shop at Target or Macy’s instead of Bass Pro Shops.

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