LYNCHBURG, Va. — Despite being named for founder and abolitionist John Lynch, a proposal to rename Lynchburg “Burgburg” has made its way to a state committee and may soon become official.
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Suggested by the three-year-old son of a city employee, the name “Burgburg” came after a swift selection process that included several other contenders. Proposed names included Lynchlynch, North Danville, Jeffersondavishighwayville, and the Jerry Falwell Compound of Moral Family Values and Armed Self-Defense Through the Teachings of Christ Because We Said So, but all were eventually dismissed due to lack of support.
“Golly, this renaming process has been surprisingly difficult,” JoEllen Johnson of the naming committee noted. “Seems like everyone is just so dang politically correct and overly sensitive these days.”
“We have several lovely spas I frequent,” Johnson continued. “I thought to myself ‘well heck, let’s call it White Robe Holler.’ I mean, who doesn’t love that feeling of slipping on a nice soft plush white robe after getting your anus bleached, but nope, apparently that’s racist.”
The name change is expected to have broad bipartisan support from Virginia lawmakers, though Sen. Amanda Chase (R-Chesterfield) has voiced opposition, saying the new name “doesn’t sound European enough.”