Northam: “Fine, Fuck It. Go Get a Haircut.”
RICHMOND, Va. — Waving his arms in frustration, Gov. Ralph Northam announced his feelings of “fuck everything and everyone right now” in an official press release today.
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The governor was halfway through his most recent announcement detailing potential plans in Virginia’s strategy to mitigate COVID-19, before going off script to declare that he was just about fucking done with everything.
“You know what? Fuck it,” Northam impatiently exclaimed, before balling up his prepared speech and throwing it into the crowd of reporters and Reopen Virginia protestors.
“You all want this state back open so badly? Fine, fucking have it. Go get your haircuts. Go get your fucking nails done. Go make sweet whoopee to your neighbor on the beach while wearing a condom made from the Virginia flag while screaming ‘FREEEEDOOOM!’ at the top of your lungs. I give up. And while you’re at it, you can spell Virginia however damn well you please!”
After catching his breath, an exhausted Northam called Lt. Gov. Justin Fairfax to the room, saying, “You can govern for the rest of the fucking year, I just can’t with these people.”
Northam is a festering turd. Flush his filthy ass down the hole.
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FAKE NEWS
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you know this is a satire site, right?
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I am transportation official for the state of Virginia. The President Biden has this big plan for the transportation infrastructure. Why do I get less money for for roads to be resurfaced of ay because of money. That being said why do we have billion dollar boring machine. We have roads failing horribly. If you don’t repair infrastructure that we already have, and barely get enough funding to do regular maintenance. How are we to maintain more multi billion dollar assets when we can’t maintain what we got?
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