Armed Protestors at Reopen VA Rally Assure Public They Plan to Open Fire Only at COVID-19

RICHMOND, Va. — Explaining that the only enemy they’d willfully open fire upon was COVID-19 itself, the armed protestors at yesterday’s Reopen Virginia rally reaffirmed their peaceful stance towards the public, despite bringing a variety of weapons to the event. 

“We don’t mean any violence towards the tyranny that the libtards have brought upon us with all of this quarantining,” protestor Walter Duncan explained when asked about bringing an AR-15 to a rally that has nothing to do with the Second Amendment, slinging his rifle over his shoulder so he could wave his Gadsden flag for a few minutes.  

“We’re only going to shoot the actual virus, if it comes down to it. So listen up, corona, we’ve got you in our crosshairs, you pussy. Now that you’ve spread across America, there’s nowhere to hide from the patriots, so lock ‘n load, motherfucker.”

After taunting the respiratory virus with multiple rounds of hot lead, eyewitnesses reported that Duncan joined a group of unmasked protestors standing only a foot from each to discuss how Antifa may threaten America’s livelihood.

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