MECHANICSVILLE, Va. — In a last minute vote that has left many people equally excited and confused, Mechanicsville residents have opted to change the name of Lee-Davis High School to Earnhardt-Earnhardt Jr. High School.
The decision seems to have come from out of nowhere, and the most surprising part of the entire endeavor could be the reasoning behind it. While many believe that current events played a big part in the name change, school officials were quick to offer a more optimistic explanation.
“Truth be told, this had nothing to do with the issues of slavery or racial insensitivity,” Pete Hadley, chairman of the Hanover County School Board, said. “We just wanted to be aligned with people that won stuff.”
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The vote was held this past weekend, during a session in which additional partnerships such as Taylor-Fife from “The Andy Griffith Show” and Walker-Trivette from “Walker, Texas Ranger” were also considered.
Once all of the votes were tallied, officials had to decide on a new mascot. Three seconds later, the Board unanimously chose the Intimidators. “Well, it was either that or the ‘June Bugs,’” Hadley admitted. “And I think we can all agree that Intimidators is a pretty kick-ass name.”
Local resident Bartholomew “Bubba” Burnside approved of the change. “I can’t wait to root for the Intimidators. Ever since Dale Senior’s untimely demise in the Daytona 500, I’ve had all these Earnhardt flags and T-shirts, along with souvenir whiskey flasks and beer koozies that I couldn’t ever use. Now, I can take them out to the games and show my team spirit.”
While most students and teachers are highly enthusiastic, cheerleading captain Tiffany Houston admitted the change has not been without issues. “Well, at first we tried finding words to rhyme with ‘Intimidators,’ and all we could come up with was ‘alligators’ and ‘refrigerators.’ Then someone suggested using one of the Earnhardts’ racing numbers. So we started chanting “WE’RE NUMBER THREE,” but it didn’t have the impact we hoped it would.”
The new school name will also have effects that reach beyond athletics. Starting in the 2018-2019 academic year, shop classes will offer courses in restrictor plate removal and pit crew etiquette, while “History of NASCAR” will be a required course.
Although some believe that Mechanicsville residents are resistant to any sort of change, Hadley actually found it hard to hide his excitement.
“If you think it’s awesome now, wait until you see the new school buses!”
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