Visiting Californian Breaks Record for Most Complaints About Humidity in 24-Hour Period

RICHMOND, Va. — The Guiness Book of World Records announced yesterday that Taylor Elise Worthington of Encinitas, California, smashed the previous record for most complaints about Virginia’s famously oppressive humidity in a 24-hour period.  

The previous record of 43 complaints, set by Ottawa transplant Terry Pierce in 1991, was quickly eclipsed by Worthington. She accomplished the feat by whining to her friend that the humidity was making the sand stick to her legs more than usual.

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“Taylor literally won’t stop bitching about the humidity,” her friend Emily Mason said. “All day I’ve had to listen to her go on about her frizzing hair, her sticky clothes, and how she how she feels like she has been perpetually walking into a sauna. I wish she would stop being so dramatic, it’s not even August yet.”

Worthington’s final gripe came at 11:56 p.m. while smashed on $3 Long Island iced teas, bringing her to a total of 77 humidity complaints in a single day.

“We are definitely impressed by Worthington’s ability to bemoan Virginia’s humidity,” Cyrus Scott, the Guinness World Record official who observed Worthington, said. “We thought this record would stand for generations, but all it took was a basic bitch from southern California to set a new benchmark.”

In addition to holding a world record, Worthington also received a prize pack from the Virginia Tourism Corporation containing a tube of Virginia is for Lovers branded Frizz-Ease, a battery-powered fan, and a nice note telling her to calm down.

At press time, Guinness World Record officials were observing Worthington as she attempted another world record for complaining about mosquitos.

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