Robert E. Lee Statue Scolded by Judge for Showing up To Court Wearing Graffiti

RICHMOND, Va. — Criticizing the statue for looking like a complete trainwreck, judge Richard Troxley scolded the Robert E. Lee monument for arriving at court completely covered in graffiti, sources confirmed Monday.

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The Lee Monument, which is the subject of a lawsuit against Gov. Northam’s order to remove it, was immediately spoken to regarding his colorful appearance. 

“Your appearance, Mr. Lee, is frankly just appalling,” Troxley, the judge presiding over the statue’s removal case, said, dismissing the protests that have taken place as hardly an excuse to disrespect the courtroom demeanor. 

“Look, I know you’ve had a rough summer and all, but you could’ve at least cleaned up a bit for the courtroom. You’ve got no decency bringing that kind of language or slander into the courts. I’ll let you off with a warning this time, but next time you better dress appropriately for my courtroom.”

Officials later confirmed that, upon leaving the courtroom, the Lee monument reached out to the Arthur Ashe monument, asking if he could borrow the statue’s clean, untampered pedestal for the next court session.