News Peed

Amanda Chase Suspends Campaign for Duck Season

CHESTERFIELD, Va. — Sen. Amanda Chase, R-11, will suspend her gubernatorial campaign through January 31 in order to fully participate in duck hunting season, her campaign confirmed Thursday.

Chase made the announcement during a press conference on the Capitol steps yesterday, stating that effective immediately, all campaign activity will cease for the duration of the hunting season or until she hits her limit.

“While the fight for justice throughout the commonwealth will always be my top priority, I’ve decided to temporarily suspend campaign activities so I can bag some waterfowl,” Chase explained. 

“My family has a long tradition of hiding among the tall grass waiting to shoot unsuspecting prey. Why, it goes all the way back to my great-great-granddaddy who was the best slave catcher in Alabama,” she added before an aide began loudly coughing and changed the subject. 

Chase, an avid sportsperson, has hunted since childhood and has a particular fondness for waterfowl. She appeared at the podium in chest waders, her cheek stuffed with Kodiak long cut, and carrying a Franchi over/under. She spoke at length about her preparation for the season and boasted that she had finally mastered the feeding call for the fulvous whistling duck. She added that while she enjoys hunting all kinds of migratory game, American black ducks are her favorite prey.

Chase claimed that questions about whether it was wise to suspend her campaign for six weeks were simply a plot by the Sierra Club to subvert the traditions of hunters and sportsmen. She then admitted she would probably be too exhausted to campaign effectively anyway. “I guess I could go out and campaign after the hunt, but I’m just too dang tuckered,” Chase explained. “Once I get out of my waders all I want is three McGriddles and a nap.”

Memphis Wynn, an aide for the Chase campaign, said that the timing of duck season worked well for the campaign schedule. 

“At this point, everyone is still getting over the presidential election and nobody cares about the next governor’s race yet, so it’s an opportune time for a break,” Wynn said, adding that Chase would likely have difficulty damaging her reputation with a controversial act while trekking through the woods alone. 

“If she’s in the middle of a swamp she can’t utter something stupid to a reporter. But, rest assured, we will get back to our usual hard-charging insanity on February 1.”

As she left the podium, Chase was heard hooting “If it flies it dies,” a common saying amongst waterfowl hunters. Aides were visibly relieved, as this statement is less problematic than when she yelled “If it’s brown it’s down,” on the Senate floor during deer season.

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