Northam Not Sure If That’s Him Who Pardoned Joe Morrissey

RICHMOND, Va. — Explaining that he wasn’t completely sure if it was him who issued the pardon, now former Gov. Ralph Northam is having second thoughts regarding whether or not he did, in fact, pardon Sen. Joe Morrissey (D-16th) for contributing to the delinquency of a minor, sources confirmed Saturday.

“You know, now that I think about it, I’m not entirely sure if it was me who pardoned Joe,” Northam explained at a packed news conference, adding that even though he once tried to pardon a guy in a Michael Jackson costume at a Halloween Party thrown at the Executive Mansion, the last few days of his term had been very busy and his memory was a bit hazy. 

“I’ve been so swamped with executive paperwork and getting things ready for Younkin — I’m having second thoughts on whether or not that was actually me who made the decision to pardon the Senator. It does indeed look like my signature, and the pardon paperwork was stacked on my desk all day, but anything is possible.”

His wife, Pam, was seen scowling at her husband as he ended the conference by moonwalking away from the podium, and winking at a young female intern.