RICHMOND, Va. — Thanksgiving guests of Gov. Ralph Northam were treated to more than just turkey and stuffing earlier today due to a surprise visitor at the Executive Mansion. Former governor Terry McAuliffe was seen stumbling up the front steps with a 24-pack of Natural Light slung over his shoulder.
Guest reported that an inebriated McAuliffe entered the mansion wearing cargo shorts and a shirt bearing the phrase “No that’s not a turkey leg in my pocket.” McAuliffe then greeted his successor by offering him a can of Natty and shouting, “I’m here. Let’s be thankful FOR BEER! Haha, I just made a rhyme.”
Northam was receptive, albeit a bit perplexed. “Thank you, Terry,” Northam responded, “but don’t you remember that you installed a kegerator in here?”
“Ehhhh. Maybe?” McAuliffe said before proceeding to pass out Nattys to everyone in attendance.
Some of the guests weren’t thrilled by McAuliffe’s choice of beer. “Craft breweries tripled during Terry’s time as governor,” Attorney General Mark Herring said. “You’d think he would have better taste by now.”
“The bodega down on 3rd Street only had Natty, OK?” McAuliffe yelled while producing a half-eaten stick of beef jerky from his back pocket.
Despite McAuliffe bringing the shittiest beer imaginable, the Thanksgiving dinner was reportedly a success, as everyone in attendance was seen singing “Santa Claus Is Coming to Town” at 2 a.m. on the Capitol Lawn.
“Where’s that deer from the Mattaponi?” McAuliffe shouted. “I’m going to ride it down the Capitol steps.”